‘Lost’ is Really Starting to Blow My Mind!!! (The Miles Episode)

Hi Kids!!! So I have not written a blog about ‘Lost’ in a long long long time. I guess I just felt this shit was just becoming too much for me. Man, even though the show, to me, always tends to be slightly predictable, I am always impressed at how the writers can just stretch this shit out!!! Between you and me, the girlfriend and I especially loved this episode because we have always been fascinated by Miles’ character and why it has taken so long to get his back-story. Also it reintroduced Hurley back to us. I only noticed this because it seemed like he was on a weird 5 episode hiatus or something. First, just for the record, I want to say it out loud, as soon Miles’ mother explained that his father’s grave was in a place that Miles could never go to, it only took me 5 seconds to realize that his father was none other than Mr. Dharma Initiative himself, Dr. Chang. Cmon guys it was so easy, besides Jin and Sun, Dr. Chang was the only other Asian I ever saw on the Island. Another thing I intend to speak on is why in the hell is the Dharma Initiative so annnnnnnnoying!!!!!! And by the way, Ben’s dad is a real piece of crap and honestly I’m glad that he is in agony now. If I have not said it before, I am so over Kate, what a waste of space she has become, and it does appear that Juliette has won the Betty vs. Veronica contest. I am sure there is more I will touch on, let’s just get to it.

First, you know when it comes to Miles, I really dig his approach to not being able to change the future no matter what happens or what they do in their current present which happens to be the past. Even if Miles tried reaching out to his Dad as Hurley suggests, nothing would have changed and the Dharma’s fate would seem all but inevitable. However, I could not help but feel slightly redeemed on behalf of Miles when he saw his Dad lovingly hold the 3 month version of himself through the window as he was passing by. It really poses a question mark when you think about. First, as a result of Miles’ mother’s back story on his dad, we were all lead to believe that Dr. Chang abandoned his family. But that image Miles saw would seem to make that a false accusation wouldn’t it? Not to mention, the kudos I received from my girlfriend when I first predicted that the reason for the abandonment might have resulted from Miles’ mom being pregnant on the Island, which as we all know is a big no-no, hence explaining why Dr. Chang might have expelled them off the Island. But then we learn Miles was born on the Island which explains his gift of post-mortem interpretation and why Whitmore sourced him out to go back to the Island, since inherently Miles is an Island native. But my favorite thing is the shared gift that both Hurley and Miles have. Their dynamic is great. I could watch a whole spin-off show just dedicated to those two. And do not even get me started on Hurley’s idea on pitching ‘Empire Strikes Back’ to George Lucas before it ever came out, brilliant. Here is the last talking to point about Miles I want to bring up. What do you think would have happened if Miles actually introduced himself to Dr. Chang as his long lost son as a grown man sent back to the Dharma from the future? Whoa! I seriously think Dr. Chang’s brain would have melted. There is no way he would have been prepared for that and it single-handily would have proven things like the temple, hatch, and Orchid were actually functional, that the Island in fact has special powers. Good decision on behalf of Miles for not sharing that, yet?!?!?!

Why are guys like Horace, and Ben’s dad, and that twarpy prick that Sawyer punched out from the Dharma at the end starting to really bother me. You know ‘Lost’ fans argue that the Dharma is a “Scientific Experiment” with no real purpose except for the fact that they are drawn to that Island. Screw that, the Dharma is a cult, plain and simple. A false utopia if you will. What is unique about the Dharma is that it is where Science (and for lack of a better term) Religion collide, even though I recognize there is no reference to religion anywhere in the Dharma. But it is more than just science people. All the secrets and mysterious deaths and causes for the greater good screams cult to me, just consider it. Anyway, what I am wondering is why has not anyone, anyone at all, called out Ben’s dad for being the child abusive prick that he really is. Everyone knows it, they have to. It is a freaking Island for god sake, there are no secrets on an Island. Another funny thing about Ben is, even as a child who has no idea who the Oceanic 6 are or what-have-you, he is still able to ruin the lives indirectly of Sawyer, Juliette, Miles, Jin, Jack, Kate, and Hurley. With Ben’s disappearance and the discovery of Sawyer’s naughty surveillance tape, their cover will be blown sure enough, all courtesy of Ben, hence the demise of their well-kept secret.

Also, I have never seen one television show with so many reference to shitty god-awful parenting provided in this case, strictly by fathers. Gee where do I begin. Locke’s dad pushed him out a window, Christian never loved Jack, Ben let his daughter die, Whitmore disowned Penelope because she decided to be with Desmond, even Hurley’s dad abandoned him at one point in his life (bad Cheech, bad), Dr. Chang never loved Miles, and I am sure I am forgetting some too. Does anyone think this is planned, or is this just a coincidence. Maybe there are so many bad dads around because the Island is the mother, or the metaphorical healing loving nurturing mother who compliments the inadequacies of these failing fathers. OK perhaps that was a bit of a stretch.

In the end it really does not matter but what the hell is Faraday doing there!!! And remembering Miles no less? Does anyone remember where we left off withFaraday? I think he stayed behind with Charlotte when she died meanwhile the others were headed to the hatch when Locke broke his leg and moved the Island earlier this season. We also know that Eloise, the woman who seems who be the messiah of the Island, is his mom. So? What does it all mean? I am really loving the show now and I really hope the Oceanic crew reconcile with Sayid and open up a serious can of whoop-ass on the Dharma. You know with the help of the Apleton Others, they could easily win that war. Do you wonder if Miles is going to save his dad when the shit hits the fan? All real good questions right?

Ordinarily, at this point, I would leave you with 10 predictions to look for in upcoming episodes. However I am going to bypass this step on this particular blog due to insane amount of directions the show can go in at this point and next week’s episode is not even a real episode, so why bother right? But hey, thanks for reading and I look forward to writing another ‘Lost’ blog for you on the 100th episode extravaganza.

 

Obama’s New Fight Song: “Up with Greed!!! And Down with Weed!!!”

 

Yea right, I don’t think so

Alright Hippies put down your pitchforks, or in this case your “water pipes” and skewered s’more kebabs. I regret to announce that your beloved President, after all the self-assuming beliefs we as a Liberal society bestowed onto the man thinking that he might have been a pro-Marijuana guy, turns out not to be, wah-wah-wah. Sorry, you lose!!!! And whether or not you are an educated stoner who follows the issues or a 40 year old burnout always undecided because “politics just isn’t your thing man,” you ended up voting for the popular-golden-boy-all-star-high-school-quarterback and thought,”Hey, he is a pretty mellow guy, he may not smoke it, but he ain’t gonna tell me that I cannot smoke it.”

Well that is actually partially true, Obama is not changing any current laws regarding State Legislation passed in favor of the usage of Medicinal Marijuana. However, in another one of his saturated addresses to the nation, this time in the form of a Town and Hall Meeting, our beloved President addressed the issue publicly. I appreciate that Obama recognized with no shame that this issue which has gone unaddressed by many Politicians for too long came into the question queue with huge and staggering numbers. However, as quick as he was to praise the demand in the issue, he was just as quick to tell the world, thanks but no thanks, this administration has no interest in legalizing marijuana (or any other drug currently deemed illegal) despite the slight admission that this would be a huge stride towards raising revenues and funds towards his ridiculous Trillion Dollar Budget or even possibly aid our wailing deficit.  

Due to the sarcasm and cynicism, I bet you are probably confused on my position regarding the full Legalization of Marijuana in the United States. Again, like any social issue like gay marriage (which I support) or abortion (which I believe is not my right to decide for someone else), it just is not that easy to pick a side without weighing out the cons to your argument on this matter.

Now, generally speaking, paying no mind to the current state of distress in this country is in and what the current year is and how I believe, even though I do not smoke it, that it is wrong to illegalize such a natural crop that has never been linked to any deaths whatsoever meanwhile tobacco and alcohol are free to consume (pending a few restrictions), I actually believe it is best left illegal and I will tell you why….happily!!! Simply put, we can’t handle that kind of responsibility. Sorry to say it, I do not trust our society to embrace it without exploitation say the way Europe and the Dutch do. And for the record, it is not the current avid marijuana smoking population that I do not have faith in, oh no no no…. I actually have total confidence in the average respectable pothead to still continue to go to work, pay his taxes, and not knock off a 7-11 for a pack of joints. It’s the non-smokers I worry about. The people always too afraid to smoke it because it was illegal and in the meantime always had no problem bashing pacifist reefer heads to cover up their own taboos. I am talking about cops, teachers, members of the young Republicans society, the same priests that were never punished for abusing the trust of a little boy, the everyday school bus driver, you get the picture. Too many people would not know what to do with themselves if ever allowed such a privilege only because, unlike the cool kick back examples set by the Euro-trash of today, we are a nation of scaredy-cat crybabies who would just unravel like a knit sweater after America takes it first legalized toke. Do not fight me on this, it is completely true, sadly.

However, times oh how they’ve changed and in such a short amount of time too. I have to say that I am about to reverse my opinion of the issue in leiu of our recent turmoil and our frivolously money-spending President. I may appear to be a hypocrite, but in my opinion, only a smart person can adjust their positions on their values and the implications their values have towards the written law.

First, and I have said this in previous blogs, I have no faith left in our society to ever really do the moral thing as one anymore. So who am I exactly trying to save here? Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em I say! At this point, I am hoping the future impact of legalizing marijuana only to weed out (no pun intended) the hopeless, non-contributing, shameful pot-addicts and somehow put them on a cattle train to Siberia meanwhile leaving behind a society of enlightened and thoughtful people who will be rid of their addictions to reality TV and may start opening books as a source for entertainment. That’s a bit optimistic, chances are we will become a culture of people more addicted to fast food than ever before and spending our leisure time comfortably on our couches having no strength or will-power to do our own laundry. But hey, it is pretty much what we have now and think about it, your cousin Bobby isn’t going to jail for selling that herb anymore because he doesn’t have any customers anymore because America buys its pot from the AMPM (Circle K for you East Coast people) or better yet, Walmart (mmmm Chinese pot?).

On a side note, I do not condone the legalization of any other illegal drug or narcotic simply because I have changed my mind on marijuana. Hard drugs solve nothing and any real drug aficionado will tell you the best illegal narcotics are not even made domestically. So I find it counterproductive to legalize things like cocaine, heroin, opium, etc. besides their terrifyingly addictive qualities, monies used to purchased such exports would only profit countries (and quite possibly terrorist organizations) in Central and South America and Southeast Asia instead putting money back in our own pockets here at home.

This is just the moral issue I addressed which really does not mean diddly to me when thinking about the financial crisis legalizing marijuana can solve today in our country. I guess what really chaps my ass is yet again, Obama. He has no problem being the beacon of revolutionary (many argue radical) ideas being funded through the unconstitutional means (ironic be it that he is a Constitutional lawyer) of printing money or inevitably taxing one of the social classes against his own campaign promises, but not considering, or at least allowing it to swirl in his brain for a second, the breakthrough he would make for the thinking and understanding of our mentally impotent society by pushing forward some real legislation that could honestly solve so many problems and even play a heavy role in his alternative energy strategy.

Does Obama even know how versatile cannabis is? How unlike tobacco, cannabis re-nourishes the soil that it grows in like soy. How hemp is one of the most durable materials on the planet and has proven to be able to make paper (thus reducing deforestation) and even create fabrics for clothing inherently jump-starting our own textile industry hence minimizing the importation of clothes made in sweat shops from third-world countries who laugh at us. Or simply even for the use of marijuana, by smoking it. By making it legal we first put most if not all of the half-assed part-time drug dealing population out of business. Secondly, if done correctly, it will be priced right so consumers will be spending a smaller amount for a legal consumer item which gets funneled back into our government deficit and budget fund. Not to mention that there are so many people today that already know how to grow its vcannabis anyway that quite possibly our government could license these people and create jobs for people who are already experts in this field instead of having to wait for college graduates with degrees in botany to break into the work force. Plus we would stop overcrowding our prisons. The fiscal beneficial repercussions seem to be endless. Yet here we go again, printing more money to pay for shit we just do not need now.

Damn people give weed a chance. Its just a leaf. Its not made of bullets and you do not need a syringe to use it. It is as old as time and finally has made strides towards impacting the medicinal community. Cmon Mr. Obama, Mr. Progressive, you better give this another look’s see, because whatever you got going on from your poor judgement in some of your appointees to giving AIG more and more unearned taxpayers dollar, maybe its time to give the floor to the overlooked solution. Just a thought? 

Corrupting Factors Contributing to the Decay of our Civilaztion

To many of us, it feels as if the countdown has begun. A countdown, but when it runs out, no one knows what to expect is going to happen. Some may argue Armageddon, or a Nuclear Holocaust, maybe even a polar shift, or who knows maybe George W. Bush will jump out of President Obama’s birthday cake. All I know is I feel there is a clock somewhere in the world that is ticking down and no one knows where it is or how much time is left. Maybe we do not know where it is because it is our ‘internal (biological) clocks’ that are counting down and could very well be responsible for the panic and the running-a-muck this country has become enslaved by.  Now as usual the irresponsible ‘I want it all and I want it now’ American people really, as predicted, are having such a field day with shifting obvious blame to obvious people (so obvious that I will not bother going into specifically at this time). However, there is a problem. We have a country that had leadership for the past 8 years which has proven to be so humiliating, second-rate, and indicative of country governing no different than the castaways in the ‘Lord of the Flies’ novel, that the end result is a spawned culture which expects the next administration to save them, say they way Christians believe Jesus will. See it is a sliding scale in my opinion, the worse a president was previously the more the people expect from the next without actually contributing themselves. Example, no one  expected anything, literally anything at all, from George W. Bush because, despite what you think of him personally and the 2 or 3 mistakes he made in office, Bill Clinton was the president who gave the United State a surplus in the budget and a country without a war when he left. I hope you understand where I am going with this. No, not yet? OK let me continue.

Honestly, I have had all the recycled news an optimist, rather a hopeful person not an optimist, could stomach in all of 2009 just in the first three months. The News…in fact side note, I think we should start referring to the term “News” as “Weather” instead, since weathermen get paid, very well mind you, for constantly for being wrong. I say let society deem “News” universally as the “Weather” for consistency sake. As I was saying, it seems lately the “Weather” literally has nothing at all to talk about. I mean our government, regardless if you are supportive of their measures thus far or not, truly has impressed me with just going to work, or creating the illusion of them working. Seriously, I do not remember so much activity by our worthlessly-elected Senators and Congressman since the Clinton impeachment. And our president, even though I did not vote for him, at least he has given more addresses to the people in an effort in keeping “us” involved and making government more transparent than say George W. Redneck Dumbass could ever possibly fathom. Honestly, I think this is far more important than governmental intervention in my life today. Now the content, hot air, repetition, and long-windiness of these addresses is truly up for debate in terms of it being helpful to the American people. But at least the effort is being put out there. My point is I think media, government, and more surprisingly the American people have taken their “eye off the ball” regarding what really caused their tragically destroyed livelihoods and worse, who is really to blame.

The answer lies in the shifts, changes, neglegence, and ignorance festering, growing, and eventually overtaking our lifestyles and changes in our environment (be it social or physical environment)  in the past 3-4 years that we as people were so busy prospering in a thriving economy truly built on house of cards that we were too focused on raking it all in as much as we can, while we can, before it was all gone. But the casualties are plenty, and no these casualties are not being reported on the “weather.” Here are some of the most overlooked contributing factors, that are still alive and well, roaming our society today like parasites (really in no particular order because its a cycle and everything is connected and related).

First the quality of television that we view. Now I did not say these were going to be direct causes, just contributing factors which creates a “who gives a shit” society. When I was a mere tot in the 80s, television seemed to be more wholesome, moral, or at least featured programming with a point. Please do not misunderstand me, I am not thumping a bible at you right now. My point is when I was 13 years old, I never saw topless women being advertised to tens of thousands of people in these ‘Girls Gone Wild’ commercials and even now as a 30 year old man I become more and more outraged every time that shit is on my television. But if I was 13 in the 80s in my room alone watching these commercials, I’d probably spend much more time in my room than say when I was actually 13 if you know what I mean. Shows like Desperate Housewives and Greys Anatomy (which are network shows) are the top rated shows in this country. These are shows dedicated to promoting infidelity in a rich suburbian neighborhood and a hospital where fornicating in any dark closet is far more important than say saving a life. And please do not get me started on cable shows like the “Rock of Love’s” or really anything MTV might consider important to poison our children with today teaching them what is wrong with them and not to be comfortable in their own skin. I would seriously argue that 95% of our programming in this country is completely useless garbage and creates a culture of people who need instant gratification constantly no matter how dumb it is.

Next, technology. There are two kinds of technology in this world in my opinion. There is technology which literally increases the quality of life, in general as whole, be it through innovation and creating new jobs or simply creating devices that people honestly thought could or would never be created, say like Blu-Ray quality HD. Then there is bastardized technology. This is technology that preys on addiction and isolation. Case in point, the iPod. I got one you got one we all love our iPods but seriously Apple has created a monster through this one breakthrough by creating new and useless other technologies in the form of accessories making you feel that your iPod experience is always lacking if you haven’t purchased all the bells and whistles and also have cleverly figured out a way to make only Apple products compatible with your iPod. You throw that in the pot with cell phones and that irresponsible high schoolers who couldn’t even handle 8th grade algebra now have the luxury of texting during class, or messing around with their cell phone interfaces and ring tones, say even spend money which is not theirs downloading new and stupid applications to pimp out their cell phones, anything to avoid paying attention to their lesson in class. Even further, take the alienated, nerdy, disenfrachised, high school teenage boy who gets picked on and has no dates. 10 or 20 years ago this guy might be crying his eyes out and studying daily in order to make a better life for himself later, but today, this kid could not give a shit about his social nonacceptance because he is running home after school to play on his X-Box and Playstation meanwhile ignoring his parents who he blames for his social awkwardness. Also, when did it become socially viable to be in a Starbucks on a Wednesday at 11am playing on a laptop and sipping a latte. 20 ago years that person would not have had enough money to even afford a laptop let alone a cup of coffee. Now we have cars with GPS’ (which do not get me wrong, I believe a world without GPS is world not worth living in) taking the thinking and intelligence out of remembering a route or god-forbid being able to read and use a map. There are far more many more types of  distracting technologies than I mentioned above but I feel the problem here lies in the ratio between useful technology vs. technology used to exploit the consumer. I feel everyday the useful technology loses and the exploited technology prevails.

Let us also take a minute to examine the impact of authoritative figures in the lives of children, teens, and young adults and the role they themselves play in society. More than the stock market, or the budget deficit, I think if anything has plummeted in our culture, it is proper (or at least just an attempt at proper) parenting. In this have and have-not society the youth suffers more than anyone. Why are people in today’s modern post-Doris Day era rushing off to the altar to get married when they honestly, no matter how in love they are, know there is a chance they may not be either financially or even psychologically ready for the responsibilities that are attached. Sure, I understand being in love and wanting to confirm your commitment in front of God’s eyes, but what is the rush, if it truly is love, it will be there forever, right? Not to mention, these impulsive couples usually end up starting their married existence in a $50K  hole from the cost of their lavish “big day.” So then the honeymoon is over, reality sets in, and the problems and arguments are a plenty. So much so that instead of counseling, or patience and compromise in an effort to work it out, most of you decide that just because you have the physical ability to so but not the intelligence or patience to fix a failing marriage you all go ahead and get pregnant, don’t you?  Just because you have the capacity to bear a child does not mean you have the where-with-all to raise one. Some of us can do math, some of us can do science, some of us only know how top drop fries in the deep fryer. Why would parenting be any different. I cannot believe in a country where we need a license to drive a car, buy a gun, or even check a book out of the library, any drug addicted, physically abusive, unemployed through deficiencies all brought on by themselves, self-righteous, person could become a parent whenever they wanted, just because. It truly sickens me and makes me want to contribute to society by not bearing children even though I think I would be a pretty awesome Dad, just like mine was. But why would I want to subject my kids to the same social environment with kids who have spawned from tainted so-called parents who cannot even look out for themselves. But see just as many ill-equipped parents exist, so do as many overachiever-never-have-time-for-my-kids-raised-by-the-housekeeper-and-nannies parents exist too. Which is one worse, I honestly could not tell you. But thankfully today’s kids have the joys of technology to resort to instead of quality time spent with Mom and Dad who are either out at the club or working late at the office with their “secretary.”

You know in a world of people who are completely underpaid and under appreciated for the good and hard work they do, I would say teachers would make the top of that list. But unfortunately the way our country looks at education says that we seem to be quite alright with mediocrity. Now this is a harder issue to scrutinize because finding the teachers who really want to make a difference is usually far more difficult than the teachers who contemplate suicide before returning another day to their demon-seed students at school. Personally, I can name all the teachers in my life who are worth remembering and I know you can too. Today politiquing inside our Education Boards has become an art all to its own. Tenure weighs more than performance now and many 60 year old hags will never get fired becuase of it. Meanwhile, today’s standards of earning your credentials to legally teach honestly in my opinion rivals that of a lawyer or doctor, even though the material is easier, the commitment is just the same. Today’s future teachers are required to go to graduate school, and that does not even assure them a job. When I was in school, I was impressed when I had a teacher who even went to college. And the children suffer because there are so many eager future mind-shapersout there desperate to teach meanwhile indifferent windbags stand at the dry erase board counting down the clock like their distracted students playing on their cell phones. You factor that in with the misappropriation of funds and resources between schools in good and bad areas, and all you are left with is a youth who graduates nearly 50% of the time every year.

Why does the United States have the fattest people on the planet? In countries where families may call sharing a cup of cooked rice between 4 people a lavish over-the-top dinner, we here have the audacity of ordering food, actually it isn’t food, its product made from substances designed to taste, again, addictively so good and have the same affordability as a packet of lunch meat from the supermarket, that making it home in time to cook just seems like a ridiculous notion now, never once having the regard or curiosity to find out that nutritionally it has the same value of say maybe consuming your iPod for dinner. But is this enough to create a nation of obesity? No, not until I explain to you that with the invention of the drive-thru a breed of amenity was created in that people now can order portions and quantities made to look like it was feeding a family, but really was all for themselves, and at that price why the hell not, right? But in the old days, pre-drive thru, you had to go inside where the watchful eye of the public would force you to succumb to the right sized meal for who you were. People are pigs now, straight gluttonous martians from the Planet Pig Fat! There is no other way to explain it but by simply acknowledging the blatant disregard for our health versus the satisfaction of having 20 chicken mcnuggets when really you should be eating 10. Maybe self-control and will power were never taught to these people or maybe the skill of cooking at home was never passed down their gene pool, either way I think the way America eats is our strongest example demonstrating how we just do not care about anything at all.

Lastly, let’s discuss credit and credit cards and how easy they were to get 10 years ago all the way up to 10 months ago. Did anyone besides me notice that after the Internet boom of 90s, everyone just started receiving credit card invitations from Visa and Mastercard, damn near daily. I am sure by now you realized that it was because the only way you could purchase anything off the web was through credit cards. And once people realized the Internet was not a fad, everyone could not wait to start buying useless shit online. Yes, in my opinion this is how far back it goes. People being sold on the concept that establishing credit with free non-existent money creating more and more bills and debt for yourself every day,month, and year for the next 10 years was actually a good idea, in hindsight, was just amazing to me, especially since I was one of them. Too many irresponsible people trusted with money they did not have. How did the credit moguls feel about this? They were probably too busy laughing their fat rich white asses off at the American people meanwhile patting our pal Capitalism on the back for a job well-done (the country not realizing Capitalism was tied, bound, and gagged and being held for ransom for the past 10 years probably in Wall St.’s basement). Are you disgusted with yourself yet? I sure am.

Ladies and gentleman what I have just demonstrated is scientifically unfounded and has not been proved but are simply my opinions of what is different in my line of sight now instead 20 years ago when I was just a kid. You are more than welcome to disagree with me but many of you won’t. Because none of us are innocent. I am not an angel people, trust me, my life was a life of apathy for more than half my life. But people will not take responsibilty for these things publically because it first demonstrates what horrible people they truly are and secondly robs them of what they perceive being an American really is all about, being able to do what you want whenever you want. Don’t you see that is exactly how Wall St. behaved, mortgage brokers who contributed to the housing bubble behaved, and how our government has and still does behave. Which is why getting out of this mess is much harder than throwing 1 trillion imaginary dollars at welfare and city programs and thinking that will do the trick. We need to change our ways as human beings. A president is just a man, a man checked by many rules and laws preventing him from having any real power. Why in the world would any of us have our hopes in him. It just is not fair to him and ourselves. Lesson #1: take some fucking accountability, Lesson #2: If you have children, throw away your television, Lesson #3: learn how to cook for godsake (cavemen figured it out), and last Lesson #4: Cut up all your credit cards whether or not your are in debt, you just don’t need it. Thanks for reading and go make a real contribution to society by changing yourself instead waiting for your government to do it for you!

It’s The End of World As We Know It…(and I say it quite optimistically)

I know I probably have not written a new blog in say over a month, but I have a good reason. I literally have nothing to write about. I am completely uninspired. I have been watching CNN, Real Time w/ Bill Maher, and even Fox News, simply trying to source a story that I could blog on. You know what I came up with? Bubkiss, nada, a goose egg, not a damn single thing worth spending any time writing about. Any topic that might have been considered worth blogging about at the end of the day boiled down to just another blog based on another set of recycled stories crying about the same old problems, we are in a recession, jobs are being lost, we are moving the war to Afgahnistan, the market is crashing, yadda yadda yadda. They have been blogged about over and over again. Even the things that have been really angering me lately like dumb Republican politicians not understanding, that even though it maybe their right as Americans to question our President, their whining, bitching, and moaning is perpuating the very apathy the spirit of our country is resorting to. Honestly, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired over President Obama’s bullshit Stimulus Package. Even Chris Dodd’s admission of having a role in AIG’s Executives receiving their American Citizen Tax Dollar-Sponsored Bonuses barely tickled my pickle. I bet President Obama is sitting in the Oval Office saying to himself, “Damn, I should have really let that old bastard win. Seriously, why did I want this job so bad? I can’t even remember!”

See even as I complain about there being nothing new to complain about, I still find myself complaining. People who know me personally are saying to themselves right now something to the effect of, “Umm but isn’t that Mark everyday?” Hahaha!!!! Very Funny!!! Now I want to you to take the notion of complaining about having nothing to really complain about and realize that this is not just a unique problem to me…This is now an unwritten law in which nearly all Americans live their lives now perpuated by a government who insists on ruling on the platform of “Fear” reported on by a truly insubordinate National Media that honestly has nothing else to report on, let alone actually try to find a real story. But you know what the really depressing part is? The depressing part is we are left with two groups of people in this country now: those who are so hell-bent on fixing this nightmare that they are overlooking simple honest solutions that invest in the notion that Americans will rebuild, reinvent, and thrive completely on their own with the only help provided by their government is that they stay out of the way and the other group of people, those who simply haven given up or are maybe too ill-equipped to survive or even worse are just sitting around waiting for someone else to get them out of this jobless funk they are in, and most of these people voted for our current President, go figure.

Now do not get me wrong, I am not an Obama-basher. You know how I know? Because I just watched Alexandra Pelosi’s (yes as in Nancy Pelosi’s daughter) documentary entitled: “Right America Feeling Wronged.” After watching this, it made me realize I forgot to include a 3rd group of people in my little list above. These are the people who forgot what ‘Country First’ really meant even though all they cared about was electing the very man who had the very same campaign slogan. I honestly could not believe my eyes and ears folks. Our country has pedalled backwards into time. We are Pilgrims and Puritans again, intolerant and unaccepting of anyone else’s point of view but our own. I say “we” because even though I do not subscribe to such treasonous and ignoranant behavior, these people are our  neighbors, these are people in the streets I share the train with, you have to assume they are everywhere, because they assume the same about “us” and we are all united in this country no matter how you feel about anyone or anything. In my thirty years, I have never seen it this bad. Regular, honest, society-contributing, tax-paying Southern White men, women, and children (these are not rednecks and trailer trash here) admitting ridiculous notions like comparing Obama to Hitler, having images of the anti-Christ the first time they ever laid eyes on Obama, and the one I hate the most because everyone is so full of shit when they say that they will move to another Country, in this case, if Obama should win. Someone was asked how they viewed the future of this country if Obama should win, he literally could not answer because he was choking on his tears, a grown man choking on his tears at the idea of having someone who actually can put a sentence together at least without sounding like a baffoon might becoming our President makes me want to cry honestly. And this is where these idiots blow any chance of convincing anyone else in the world to agree with their perception of President Obama. Be critical of a man’s politics or decisions but do not make it personal with someone you do not even know for godsake and make outlandish claims that have no merit and that are simply based on a hunch, instinct, or the unfounded realization that you are a racist and sadly do not even know it. All you do is keep turning back the clock on a very ill and sick country that needs to get better through the means of rebellious and revolutionary concepts that this country was founded on. How could any of these people be making a cointribution? They sound like they just started walking up-right and discovered what fire is. Ugh I digress!

So how do you guys feel now having read this? Worse? Maybe even better because we might have pin-pointed the problem in these 3 groups of people that consistently make it worse but insist their way is the only way? Does anyone even agree? See I am done blaming things we cannot control or cannot fix. Things like blaming Bush, that’s a given people, time to move on! I am over Obama ever seeing the light about the right and wrong ways to spend/print money! I am done believing that banks and certain extremely large insurance companies really have the best interest of their customers at heart! I am over the volatility of the stock market and believing that it is really any indication of how bad things really are! These are specific circumstances that are managed by the wrong people who make wrong decisions and no matter how much I kick and scream over it, there really is nothing I can do, except vote, which in the passed 8 years has proven to be a useless privilege and it doesn’t seem to be looking any better. Now, my contribution to making my country what it once was is trying to get people to take the finger they are pointing towards the poor son of a bitch standing in the way of it and turning it around on themselves. Now I do not mean blame yourself for everything that has gone wrong in your life, even though it may very well be your fault, that is just a counter-productive emotion that gets nobody nowhere fast. I am saying from this day forward point the finger at yourself and take some accountability for the direction your life will travel in and do not let anyone or anything (or any government policy) interfere with that. These three groups of people mentioned above, all of us fit into one of these categories. And I believe our government has lost its way so much that I honestly think changing your own individual outlook on life and how you live it would be much easier than waiting for the government to make a decision that actually helps. Unfortunately it requires a real patience and effort which this fast-food, iPod-addicted, self-absored society may really not be cut out to do.

So why am I optimistically saying it is the end of world as we know it? Because there is no cure for ignorance, insolence, and impatience and it is time to move on from these primitive notions like the human spirit will prevail and accept the fate that we as a species have really fucked things up beyond all possible repair. You know this possibly could become a reality, not everything is fixable unfortunately. Brand new cars fresh of the lot get totalled in accidents in the same day all the time, cant-fail companies go out of business constantly, and terrorists fly jet planes into landmark buildings completely unexpectedly sometimes. Why do people think just because we have bailed ourselves out in past catastrophes, usually just by the skin of our teeth, that we can do it everytime. Maybe it is time to pass the torch to the next society that will take over long after our own demise and long after our Mother Earth heals herself, and do it right, do it the way it seemed like we were going to, but actually see it through and not get distracted with television and the convenience of technology.

But how can I be so pretentious to think that if America falls the world will, right? Well I will admit that is a bit presumptious, but I do not see anyone else really flourishing at this point in time do you? Well obviously China but do not worry their meal ticket which eventually run its course if they keep doing business the way they do. Africa is at the worst its ever been. India still has a chance but now terrorism has actually shifted in their direction more now than ever. Even Mexico has finally been exposed for the warzone it really is. Europe is in such bad shape because Putin is holding Europe’s oil hostage. Unfortunately Canada cannot really survive without the US. Antartica is looking pretty good right now, until it melts away due to death the human race serves its Mother Earth everyday in gratitude for all the gifts she has given to us.

Even if some how the world miraculously recovers from this cardiac arrest, how long before the next one, because they are only getting worse. What will we have learned from this? How to rely on others to fix our lives when they are broken? That isn’t natural. No single society can survive on that belief alone. I believe in simple concepts like do not bite the hand that feeds, never take anything for granted that can easily be taken away, only you are in control of what your potential in life is. I honestly have given up on the human race and if I were in Vegas right now I would bet every last cent I had on Mother Earth, Nature, God, and Armageddon kicking the ever-loving-shit out of the human race and soon. I would even double up on the prophecy of the Mayans claiming the end of the world occuring on December 21, 2012 actually happening. At this point, that date really seems quite practical. I mean come on people take a look around, since 9/11 has the world recovered and become a better place. I say no and I say the Mayans were right when they predicted the end of world would be triggered by one of the most heinous acts of war and violence soon after the turn of the millenium. I am optimistic because it is actually very calming to know the possibility of the world ending in my lifetime is quite feasible. There is freedom in knowing that there is something bigger than you turning your world on its head and getting ready for the next re-birth of civilization. But you know what, I could be totally wrong. We can possibly be in this horrible situation for the next thousand years and never see an actual end to the world. But my point is that we as a society forgot what humility is. We forgot nature will always out last man. And this is how we got where we are today and that is why I am not panicking anymore because anything we are experiencing now is exactly what we deserve.

In the end, it really isn’t too late. It is just going to take a universal act of God to get everyone on planet Earth to change their wicked ways at the turn of a dime. But people we have to, we need to, find the strength to do it on our own. Unfortunately, that is really our only hope. Or else, when the end finally does occur, assholes like Osama Bin-Laden will be right about who we are as a people and how we represent ourselves in the world. Osama Bin-Laden will have been victorious, fuck he already is in so many ways, it kills me to say it but it is true. I believe that Step 1 is, to turn off the television. After that its all up to you. Good luck!

I Have Met The Devil and His Little Sissy Girlfriend, and Their Names are Ticketmaster and Live Nation

In a world where socialism is on the rise and shady back-alley deals seem to be the equvalent of an honest handshake, here we are as a supposed Capitalist nation pedaling backwards into the anti-Trust days of the early 1900’s. My, oh my, how far we come. Apparetly it seems that Ticketmaster, the country’s largest ticket distributor has merged with Live Nation, the country’s largest concert promoter. Anyone who knows me personally knows a merger like this will affect an avid concert-goer like me. People like me have a personal stake in a monopolization like this, and I have the 250 concert ticket stubs on the back of  my office door to prove it. I do appreciate the fact that our government is organizing an anti-Trust investigaiton to look into this, but how does this even happen in today’s modernized world? The implications of such are merger are truly countless.

Now one could make the argument that a merger like this reflects Capitalism to the utmost degree. Only in a free-market society could a business get so strong on its own, without any government assistance, and dominate a market, like ticket sales and event promotion, and never have to fear competition again. But see, it is exactly that “fat cat’ attitude that has gotten us into the housing market crisis, resulting in a credit freeze, ending with Wall St. brokers laughing at the world from their yachts paid for by the U.S. taxpayer. Any true believer of a free-market knows that transparency is key to a vital Capitalist economy, along with moderation, not exploitation. I believe that excess, with anything in life, can lead to disasterous results. How that manifests here is that compeition is the very back bone of Capitalism. All a monopoly, in this situation, does is create an unwatched environment for a corporation to regulate the pricing of tickets, which apparently has no say whatsoever by the group, artist, or sports team, hosting the event, because the concert promoter who just merged with the ticket distributor ends up having an exclusivity deal with nearly all the top venues in the country. This leaves the group, artist, or sports team choiceless. Either the performers can sell the tickets privately themselves (e.g. on their websites or out of the trunk of their cars) with their own distribution and play in venues that are unheard of and probably have the most lacking facilities, or they can take heed to the mercy of Ticketmaster who can willingly inflate the cost of a ticket, simply because they know it is a hot commodity.

The real quesiton here is, what can the government actually do? In my opinion, our government has already done enough. I suppose they can outlaw the merger, but where is the free-trade in that? Not to mention, it seems that the government has enough of its own problems right now. Some pundits ask, in a struggling economy, would it not be in Ticketmaster’s best interest to take advantage of their situaiton right now? Good question pundits. The answer is, not really when Miley Cyrus tickets are being whored out to the world at inflated values well out of Ticketmaster’s means not to mention the Bruce Springsteen Tour that just went on sale sold out in 9 seconds. I guess people still love their concerts. Oh here is a fun fact, did you know our government basically regulated scalping. I mean it isn’t legal, it just isn’t really illegal anymore. One of those funny and fuzzy legislative definitions you know. How does this affect you? Well the good news is you won’t get arrested for trying to get rid of your extra ticket or trying to purchase an extra ticket outside the door of the show you are about to attend, and I also see new business expansion for Craigslist here. However, the sad news is, Ticketmaster will now view scalpers as competitors. So it maybe quite possible that Ticketmaster may inflate the rates of their ticket values so high in an effort to prevent street scalpers from even being able to afford a ticket, let alone make a sale with their exponentially inflated ticket prices.

I suppose there is only one thing we can do as hardcore fans of our favorite bands and teams. Boycott Ticketmaster! Old School-style. Like Pearl Jam did in the 90’s. It obviously has never worked before, but I think Pearl Jam did a poor job at uniting their fan base around this. In hindsight I find it quite noble that they would go through so much trouble on behalf of their fans but the media simply did not know how to report on this because at the time it was quite revolutionary. However here we are in 2009. People are broke. They need their music, sports, theater, and comedy as a form of release and Ticketmaster is behaving the way a pimp does with his prostitutes or crack dealer does with his biggest dope fiends. Remember, without ticket sales, they flounder. We just got to unite. Too bad this country forgot how to do that a very long time ago.

WATCH THESE JERK-OFFS MAKE A CASE FOR THEIR BELOVED MERGE!!!

I Cannot Believe I am About To Defend Miley Cyrus

 

It is official. Hell has frozen over. I am about to side with Miley Cyrus over this controversial photo scandal. Apparently, the Asian community, specifically Lucie J. Kim, is offended by the picture that has gone totally viral and according to the YouTube clip above, totally mainstream as well. What is this a picture of you may ask? Well to me at first glance, it was a picture of 1 Hollywood Douchebag and 6 people that wish they were her, COMPLETELY DOPED UP OUT OF THEIR MINDS, making a funny face at the camera. I have watched enough ’Cheech and Chong’ movies in my life to know what the hell “Chineze Eyez” are. You know how I know they were stoned? Because there is a stoned Asian guy right next to Miley not giving a fuck about being in a room with 6 round-eyes making  “Chineze Eyez” at the camera. That is how I know. 

But no, everyone wants to get paid for doing absolutely nothing. Do you know this crazy nutjob Lucie Kim wants to sue Miley Cyrus for $4 Billion. Hahaha, and I thought the bitch with 8 kids was nuts. $4 Billion? And what exactly does she want to do with it, pay $0.25 back to every person back home in China for this racial trespass. Actually no, she just wants to pay the 1 million Chinese people living in Los Angeles $4,000 each. This world has damn near lost its mind. Well, let’s be real for a minute. There is nooooooooooo way a Judge will ever let this civil case go to trial. But then again this is Hollywood, the place where O.J. was sent back home for murder and Marv Albert just paid a few bucks out of his wallet to make up for his raping/biting incident. Actually, if I was Miley, I would be pretty damn nervous. Remember when everyone thought half-man half-dolphin Michael Phelps was just going to get a slap on the wrist for his one fun night out on the town. Well say good-bye to his endorsement deals and there is a small chance he may go to jail. Ms. Achy-Breaky Bigot should be more worried about Disney finding out that their precious teen idol was photographed stoned (which no one is talking about for some odd reason). Miley needs to decide what is more important, paying out $4 Billion to some undeserving Chinese people, or feel the wrath of Disney? Someone please get back to me on this one.

A TRIBUTE TO THE CHINESE LOS ANGELENOS WHO SUFFERED THROUGH THIS TRYING MOMENT OF ADVERSITY:

Let’s Get ‘LOST’ with “This Place is Death”

 

It seems like finally we might be getting some answers in this season right? I regret to inform you, this blog, mmm not too funny. There really isn’t too much irony being dropped on us at this point in the show, right? It seems as if the show is finally making some headway, revealing some answers, and getting to a point. Let’s begin shall we. As Sun gets ready to bum-rush the group with her almighty gun, she gets interrupted by a phone call from Korea from her 3 year old daughter. Sun even goes as far as to tell her daughter that she has a friend for her to play with next time she sees her, of course referring to Aaron. Ewwww creepy, a little bit of Kate is rubbing off on Sun there don’t you think. Just as Sun is about to pull the trigger in my friend Ben’s face, he decides to hit Sun with some knowledge. He tells her Jin is alive. Naturally she does not believe him all the meanwhile Kate is going loco gets Aaron and tells Jack and Ben to leave her alone and hightails it out of there. Sayid at this point wants nothing to do with Ben and Jack and warns it will be rather unpleasant if they should ever meet again. Umm I hope Jack and Ben listened to him because You Don’t Mess with the Sayid!

Back on the Island, Jin realizes (without his brain melting) that he has traveled back in time when he realizes he is meeting a 16 years younger version of Rousseau. I should seen it coming that all her French Douchebag Buddies would bite the big one since they appear to be useless and arrogant (like the French). However, at least we got some insight as who Alex’s father is right? As Jin is looking for Sun on the Island (which she obviously is not around) the Frogs decide to look for the infamous Radio Tower to try and transmit a signal off the Island. Unfortunately, they are interrupted by ‘The Monster.’ The Monster one by one picks them off first with the line-less Nadine and then off to King of the French Pricks who I believe remains nameless. As ‘The Monster’ attempts to suck Mr. Asshole into his underground lair, I feel a perfect ‘Saw’ moment approaching. The Frogs are trying to save him and BOOM! ‘The Monster’ sucks him hence forcing his friends to rip his arm clean off. Awesome! I actually wished it would have been his entire body. And like a bunch of morons, all but Rosseau go in and try to save French Bastard #1. Cue the first time flash. Jin is what seems to be days or even weeks later and finds the decaying arm next to him. He heads toward shore to find their camp and some of the French guys who went into ‘The Monster’s’ lair shot and killed. And now here is Rosseau pointing a gun at her baby’s daddy. Apparently, ‘The Monster’ has fucked with their heads and now it seems to be a 28 Days Later situation. Gun fired, baby’s daddy dead! You know I am convinced ‘The Monster’ is The Keeper of the Island.” It saved Locke by not killing him in Season 1 but only attempts to harm those who bring hate and death, or just a bad attitude to the Island. Rock on ‘Monster.” I digress, sorry. Rosseau finds Jin and tries to kill him thinking ‘The Monster’ has made him sick too. Cue time flash #2, and Jin finds Sawyer and the rest of the camp, and finally a happy moment in ’LOST’ yet again.

Now the time flashes seem to progress quicker and more frequently. Jin finds out Sun is off the Island. Juliette and Sawyer get more nosebleeds. And Charlotte, sad to say but not really, is on her way out. I had a feeling this was the episode she was going to die and she surely does. But not before the rest find the Orchid and Jin makes Locke promise not to bring Sun back. This was all due to Charlotte’s one and only uttered ramblings of hysteria for some reason making sure Jin understands that Sun cannot ever come back and that ’This Place is Death (hence the title).’ If Sun were to ask of Jin, Jin gave Locke his wedding ring and made sure he gave it to Sun proving Jin was dead. One last piece of useful information Charlotte’s decides to privately divulge to Faraday in a moment of clarity was revealing to Faraday that she was born on the Island and a man who looked just liked Faraday had forbidden her to ever come back. That is when Faraday tells Charlotte not to die because he sent Desmond out to find Faraday’s mum who apparently is the key to entire bid! Too late Charlotte dies, wah! Back to the story, Locke gave Jin his word and as he slides down the rope to the bottom of the Island-moving mechanism, and yet another time flash occurs, Locke falls, and attains a compound fracture in his shin. Damn, the Island is brutal huh? Giving a compound fracture in the leg to a man you just healed that used to be in wheelchair, ouch!!!  The flash occurs the hatch is sealed and Locke is alone only to find, that’s right Jack’s dad Dr. Shepard just as he was in Jacob’s house waiting for him. Dr. Shepard was nice enough to clue the audience into the fact that O.G. Other Apleton may actually not have the answers and can in fact be wrong about everything he has been telling Locke. With a severely broken leg and no help from Dr. Shepard, Locke turns the mechanism, end scene.

Back in Los Angeles (Honolulu), Sun is holding a gun to Ben’s head as he is driving her to the very proof of Jin being alive which is consequently keeping Ben alive. Jack has a moment of pussy-ness and apologizes to Sun for leaving Jin behind on the tanker. Apparently, Jack is pretty pissed at Ben after finding out that Ben was responsible for going after Aaron, Kate’s fake baby. Of course these morons are too dumb to realize it was attempt to get Kate to come back to the Island. Ben flips out and has had it and let’s the dumbasses know everything he is doing is in an effort to save the Oceanic 6 and the people on the Island. However, what is left untold is, what is Ben’s stake in this exactly? It is left a little bit unanswered. But they arrive at the church, the church with answers. Ben gives the ring that Locke had from Jin to Sun. Ben explains the woman in the church, Eloise Hawkin, can get them all back to the Island, and that they need to go back in order to keep the Islanders alive. And sure enough, right on time, is Desmond, looking for Faraday’s mum, and is in fact Eloise Hawkin. They all go in. And short a of ‘The Six,” Eloise says it will have to do and is ready to get started. End episode.

ENJOY A BROKEBACK MOMENT ON ‘LOST:’

Let’s Talk in the Future-Tense Shall We?

1. So now we know why Rosseau has been all alone all these years when the Islanders find her.

2. I have a feeling Faraday is going to try to bring back Charlotte in some time-travelling manner.

3. I assume we are left to believe that now that Locke moved the Island, there will be no more time flashes?

4. It appears that Dr. Shepard has shown himself yet again, but where is Claire?

5. I hope Desmond does not end up going to the Island, that was never part of the deal right.

6. Eloise Hawkin, who is she to the Island? She could be the one behind the Dharma Initiative from the start.

7. When is someone going to slap the sense back into Kate, make Sayid a believer again, and get Hurley off the Hot Pockets?

8. So where the hell is Locke if he is already off the Island and dead.

9. And how did he give Jin’s ring to Ben, if he is dead.

10. So no one is concerned that Kate, Aaron, Sayid, and Hurley are not there when it is time to go back. Isn’t that going to mess things up pretty bad?

 

A ‘Stimilus Package’ That Only Stimulates Government Spending, “Hooray!!!”

Adios Capitalism. It was nice knowing you. You know that principle fundamental that this country was founded on? No, not on the genocide of the American Indians or the enslavement of an indigenous African people. The concept that we were all free men (and only men at the time, sorry ladies). Free men who could go as they please, pay taxes to a deserving government, and go into business for themselves and only through their own intelligence, business strategy, and ability to adapt and persevere, create and turn this thing called a ”profit” and prosper in a land of opportunity called: America. And well as Darwin put it, so ironically on this being his 200th birthday, if you were weak, feeble, or scrawny, you would probably die and your species would not survive the up and coming era. There would be no larger animal species to protect you from the stupidity of ignorantly exposing yourself to the blood-stained fangs of a much hungrier and larger animal. You, your children, and your parents would most likely perish, and life would carry on without you.

You know this method has worked out for nature for hundreds, thousands, and millions of years (depending on what religion you believe in) quite well, might I add. See the thing about nature is, there was never anyone to interfere with its course before the need for harvesting fossil fuels and trees for paper ever were invented. Nature just ran its course, as the saying goes. I think that might have been America’s greatest attribute these past 235 we have been a country. Now look at us. Even our illegal immigration rate has plummetted significantly in the past 6 months. No one wants to come here, even illegally. I am dumbfounded. Oh wait, no I am not. Actually it all really makes sense.

Look, I am not about to start Obama-bashing. OK , well maybe a little bit. But only the same way I would bash any president making a bad policy decision and using fear to get his legislation passed. I am not some card-carrying Republican (like I used to be) who just hates liberals and Democrats and think they are all dumb and fiscally out-of-touch (well, I kind of do). But also, I am not like Rush Limbaugh. I want President Obama to succeed. Why wouldn’t I? The thought of wishing him a failing presidency is ludicrous. In the waking days of his presidency, President Obama actually has passed ethical legislation that I have supported with much devotion. Concepts like creating transparency in our government, capping his staffs’ salary, and publicly allowing Israel to defend itself as a Democratic nation are all notions I support alongside President Obama.

But 850 billion dollars to save ourselves with money we simply do not have, money we are about to print and honestly should not be printing, and money coming out of the tax payers wallet meanwhile trying to cut taxes, I honestly just do not get it. Fine let us backpedal for a moment. I am not holding President Obama solely responsible for the circumstances that he is about endure. All this fell into his lap courtesy of President “W.” We all know this. However, he can only keep holding “W” responsible for a year. That’s it. One year. After that this is all on him. I do not make the rules, this is just how it is unfortunately, and President Obama knows it.

But see there is a tinge of political hypocrisy here. Obama made it a point during his campaign in 2008 that government using fear in this country to motivate its people has always led our nation to its darkest moments in history. Anything from the slavery of the 1800’s, to the communist scare of the 20’s, to the internment of the Japanese people of the 40’s, to the Civil Rights movement of the 50’s, to “W” starting an unsolicited war in Iraq in 2003, to our Wall St. bailout last September, to Prop 8 being passed in California all fall under this very concept. So why oh why is Obama scaring the House, the Senate, all of Congress, and all of the American people into this notion if we do not pass this Stimulus Bill, we will all flounder and die! Why are people like General Electric’s C.E.O. who single-handily put the company’s stock to nearly 10 dollars on President Obama’s economic team? Why is  Treasury Secretary Geithner speaking at all, let alone about things that are not concrete and even make allusions to Wall St. still being able to get away with murder? Where is this ever-so-loved transparency?

I whole-heartedly believe in the concept of “having to spend money to make money,” but it sure is easier to do when the money is not yours and you have nothing personally invested in it, besides your legacy I suppose. As much as I hate saying it, I believe we need to let the economy bottom out. That is right, I said it, let it bottom out!!!  Sure the sting will seem unbearable but we will recover much quicker this way. It is a clean slate. Everyone has the opportunity to start from scratch. I know people will hurt, but not for as long. When has throwing money at a problem ever solved it? When, please tell me? By letting the economy tank, people who have saved their money, maintained their credit, and have planned and prepared will rise above and buy out failing corporations and plummeting real estate investments. This will create jobs and wealth and yes dare I say it, it will trickle-down eventually. It has too. It knows no other way. I just want to do this old school you know. Rip the damn the band-aid off!!! Let it heal on its own. Bring back capitalism, the very thing that made my Dad immigrate to this country and try do it for himself and on his own.

Right now our country and its government is running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Lost and aimless. The very thing that has made our country as prosperous as it is, is the belief in the small-business owner and our ability to invent new technologies that we can sell back to other countries. Lower business taxes, while you are it, lower all of our taxes, stop the spending, stop the printing, stop passing debt down to my grandchildren. Read the bill and then cut it in half. Do not ruin my life because you feel pressured to save the world! President Obama, you are a Constitutional Lawyer, you know better than this. I just hope to God, survival of the fittest trickles literally inside our government and gets rid of the hot heads and time wasters like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. Yes, forget the partisanship, and while you are at it, forget meddling in people’s lives, and get back to work Washington!

Let’s Hear it from the mouth from today’s Politcal Soothsayer: Dr. Ron Paul

A-Roid Got Caught Juicin’ (Are We Seriously Surprised?)

A-ROID’s Confession:

I seriously cannot believe the world is up in arms about 3 Time MVP MLB Star and current do-er of Madonna, Alex ”A-Roid” Rodriguez, getting caught using a certain Steroid called PED. “Getting caught” actually is a wrong choice of words. How about confessed, revealed, or admitted to, now those are more accurate. If you were one of those losers shocked when it was learned that A-Roid lied, then honestly I feel really really really sorry for you. You are still probably figuring out that our country is in a recession and ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ is not part two to ‘Marley and Me.’

I know we all wished we lived in a world where the sanctity of sports can go untainted but so sorry Planet Earth, not going to happen, not in today’s age. In my opinion, it is only a matter of time until we find out that even the Olympics are tarnished with ‘The Juice.’ Oh wait, that already happened. Remember when Marion Jones got 5 medals taken away last year because she needed a little ‘encouragement’ from her trainer too.  Even rap stars like Dr. Dre, Wyclef, 50 Cent, Timbaland, and Mary J. Blige are onriods (and I don’t mean hemorrhoids people)! Rap stars, seriously, who is next Bret Michaels and Axl Rose??? This is getting to be quite laughable and regrettably depressing. This world needs, and has always needed, a hero, and we all used to look to athletes as children, even from children who were not quite that athletic. Shit, I sucked at basketball, but I really wanted to be “like Mike.” We all did!

I actually watched on Bill O’Reilly’s ‘O’Reilly Factor’ (please do not ask me why) a woman analyze A-Roid’s posture and eye contact during hisKatie Couric interview and specifically make the allegation that A-Roid is clearly lying. Clearly? Really? How can you tell Oh-wise lady on O’Reilly Factor? Did you know that if you stare too hard at your mark while answering a question, it is the same as having shifty eyes or looking to the ground while answering a question, basically the equivalent of lying.I did not know that.  And neither did A-Rod according to this YouTube Clip below, when he clearly and blatantly lies about his Steroid usage.

Anyone who knows me knows that I, aside from being a loyal hometown Dodger fan, can really give two diddly-shits about baseball. First, I do not get why these over-paid gladiators even need steroids. Aside from chess, golf, pool, bowling, and poker, I would make the argument that baseball is the least stamina and endurance driven sport. All you do is get a stick, hit a ball, run some bases, catch a ball, touch a diamond-shaped white thing, score a run, and put a point on the board. I am not knocking the sport here, but come on, it isn’t like football, basketball, or hockey. These fuckers are always on the move and if anyone needs an edge first, I am sure it would be these guys (and I am sure some of them use them too). But really, all the performance you need is to clearly hit the fucking ball out of the fucking park, run the bases, and collect your check.

I do not know why, but images of our corrupt brothers on Wall Street flash through my head as I write this. I just look at steroids like golden parachutes; still get paid no matter who or what bails you out and even when your performance is at risk of being quite shitty. The steroid problem is another personification of what is wrong with the United States, or at least the government of the United States, or maybe the people and the irresponsible choices they made in the United States, or wars we start in parts of the world illegitimately sponsored by the United States. God, no wonder why the world hates us. We took the very thing, the very concept, that made this country so great, and exploited it. Exploited it? Hell, we practically raped it! What is this thing and concept I speak of? It is called, FREEDOM! It was because we were free and honorable people that we would never make decisions like taking America’s past time, something we invented, and making it a laughing stock in places like Japan and Central America, where talent is just organic and cannot be fucked with. Jackie Robinson along with all of our Founding Fathers would kick our spoiled Hot Pocket eating asses all over the block if they were alive today.

But the sad fact remains that I am not surprised that A-Roid and probably more than half the country’s greatest athletic stars are plainly cheating. It is cheating people, stop fooling yourselves. I am in consulting and sales professionally and the only way I could cheat is by lying. I do not lie. Ever. I could lie but I do not. This is a choice I make. Is it apathy that explains why I am not surprised? I do not know. Have I lost faith in Americans? Absolutely. Are they dumb, selfish, and undeserving of the very freedoms that they take for granted everyday? You are damn right they are. Am I a traitor to my country for saying such things? Some would argue yes probably. But unless we get back on track here, honestly this country is seriously fucked. Integrity is what separated us from the rest of the world, and honestly that well has run dry.

Next thing you know, Michael Phelps will probably get a huminatarian award for smoking weed instead of taking steroids. And in my opinion, he fucking deserves it. Weed is a NON-performance enhancing drug and he still won 8 gold medals. Or maybe A-Roid had this coming since he stole Madonna from Guy Ritchie. Sorry A-Roid, you don’t mow another man’s lawn. Karma sure is a bitch, isn’t she.

And now for your viewing pleasure, a song for A-Roid

‘LOST’ Is Really Starting to Piss Me Off!!! But I Still Love The Show :)

Alright fellow ’LOST’ Bloggers, time for another quick-not-so-quick lateral discussion on Episode 4 of ‘LOST.’I know now they have the ‘Lost Untagled’ mini-feature immediately following the end of the episode, but I  think I am going to try to make a point of it to not watch those. However if any of you good souls who love ‘LOST’ like I do feel that is a dumb idea, please be a good Samaritan and let me know, thanks I just figure all will be revealed as they need be and the show is far more enjoyable and suspenseful as my GF and I try to figure it out on our own. Part of figuring it out naturally includes not watching the 1st 20 min of the show because it’s being Tevo’d on our DVR and then we launch into so we can skip the commercials and pause the show as we are trying to decipher the things that are ever-so-cryptically revealed.  Alright no more bullshit, let’s talk about what we learned and more importantly, what we haven’t learned.

The episode begins with Sun letting Kate borrow an outfit in her hotel room while Aaron is trying to open a ketchup bottle.Now, if you recall in last week’s blog, I called it, I said do not trust Sun, she is up to something, she is definitely plotting. In fact, I was dooped when we found out Ben was the culprit behind the Mystery Lawyer, because I thought Sun and Whitmore were plotting against Kate, mostly because Sun will always be pissed at Kate for what happened to Jin. However, it is very possible that just because the lawyer is not part of Sun’s plan, I do very much believe Whitmore has Sun in his pocket and she is acting out in his behalf. Ummm hello the gun and pictures Jack with Ben.Thanks a lot ‘LOST’ writers with that little teaser with no info or follow-up to that in the beginning until is dropped back on us in the very end and in next week’s preview. OK moving on.

Back on the Island…seriously what the fuck. Is this why it took a 100 years to write season 5 because keeping up with these time flashes, seriously who fucking needs it? Sure it makes the show more interesting and sets up a blank canvas for the writers to be able to drag this show in Season 117  if they choose in lieu of all these time warps, but seriously I am little bit over it. Let us examine. First, Charlotte and her dumb nosebleeds. If these are the same as Desmond’s nosebleeds from last season, then Charlotte should have been dead a long fucking time ago not to mention how come Charlotte always knows where she is when comes back into consciousness and is not ping-ponging they way Desmond did. Also, no discussion of the ever-so-loved “constant” which keeps these people alive. Now Miles and Juliette are getting nosebleeds too. That creates no suspense for me whatsoever because obviously no one is dying. I assume one of them will die, and it will probably be Charlotte, because she sucks in all honestly, and with Faraday never knowing anything (has anyone picked up on that, you ask Faraday a question, he never fucking knows the answer, or just isn’t saying thing, all these things are just dead weight to me on the show). 

Also Locke realized in one of their warps, they have reached a point on the Island where they may actually run into the past-tense version of themselves, but he doesn’t say anything. Sawyer sees Kate help Claire deliver her baby, Sawyer makes no mention of this. Why, I ask??? What is with all the secrets. For being trapped on a deserted time-traveling island where anyone can die at any moment, these douchebags surely do have a pension for the hypersensitve and over-dramatic. Sheesh!!!! I digress, In their next time warp, they find a random canoe by their deserted camp by the shore. All they know is there is a water bottle from an Indian airline that flies everywhere. Meanwhile, Locke is convinced they have to get to the Orchid in order to rectify some sanity here. So they steal the canoe and on they go, only to be discovered by the blurry images of the owners who they stole the canoe from. Back and forth they go shooting at one another, everyone misses, and boom another time flash. I am convinced the Island is a little prankster. It only flashes when the shit is about to hit the fan. Only when someone is about to reveal a secret or someone is about to die, BOOM! FLASH! What a jip! Anyways, washed ashore they find some materials that appear to be part of a shipwreckage with some French writing on it. Anyone see where this was leading to?Next scene, a bunch of Frenchies on a raft reveal, in my opinion, the best news so far in Season 5, you ready??? JIN IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!! and floating in the ocean on a piece of driftwood, no different than Kate Winslet in Titanic, only without the subzero temperatures. The Frenchies end up rescuing Jin from his previous Tanker explosion at the end of Season 4. That is when we the audience realizes the last flash put them about 16 years ago from the original plane crash. We realize this Jin meets a younger version of Rousseau pregeanant. Jin freaks because he has no idea about the time traveling he is about to endure, and in my opinion, his brain should have melted, or at least a fucking nosebleed! This is what is upsetting me at the moment: Jin knows Rousseau, in the future, which means, there has been a disruptence in the time continuum, because eventually Rousseau will age 16 years and eventually run into the Oceanic Arline survivors and meet Jin again. At that moment, the universe should be imploding, you know, like in Back To The Future, remember? 

Back in Los Angeles (or Honolulu if you didn’t know any better) Kate is being dumb as usual. All she wants to know is who is coming after her and Aaron. She tries to make a deal with Mystery Lawyer Man and he will not budge because we find out its Ben’s Lawyer. I realized if Whitmore isn’t behind it, then Ben is, and vice versa. Back at the hospital, another fake attempt on Sayid’s life occured(I say fake because no one is trying to actually kill him with Horse Tranquilizers, right?). As this attempt occurs, Jack gets a call from Hurley who is safe and sound in jail, and Hurley could not be any happier. Ben meets Jack at the Hospital. They get Sayid. Sayid is very pissed off to see Ben. In the wallet of the man who attacks Sayid, Kate’s address is found. Like a little pussy Jack convinces Kate to see him meanwhile Sayid, not trusting of Ben, is off with him to get Hurley, which actually translates to us finding out the Mystery Lawyer works for Ben and has arranged for setting Hurley free the following morning. Meanwhile Jack, scared for Kate’s life, goes to her, she explains the rundown about the DNA testing of Aaron and whatnot, and Boom! Mystery Lawyer is off and they tail him to, none other than, Claire’s mom’s motel room. Jack goes in to talk to her thinking she is trying to steal Aaron away when in actuality is there to collect a settlement on Claire’s behalf from the Airline, meanwhile still thinks Claire is dead, and has no idea who Aaron is. By the way, who the fuck is this Mystery Lawyer man? They all meet in Long Beach (or a beach in Hawaii) Kate sees Ben and wants to vomit and cannot believe Jack is vouching for him. Which by the way, I am so glad Ben told Kate the Idiot that she isn’t really Aaron’s mom, shit man Jack is more a dad, definitely an uncle at least, than Kate is a legitimate mom.Sayid is just being weird quiet guy. Kate is too much of pyschopath mom to realize Ben did all this in effort to get her to go back to the island and really wants nothing to do with Aaron. And surprise surprise, Here is Sun, parked off to the side with Aaron, getting out with the gun in her hand. Seriously, these cast members off the Island have lost their damn mind. For the first time, I really wish everyone would just listen to Jack and Ben. I think I am the only one who watches the show and actually likes Ben. Sure he is insane and kind of a murderer, but you know, this motherfucker always has a plan!!!! You can always get behind the guy who has a plan!!!

Want a Little Sponge-Bob Mixed in With Your ‘LOST?’

 

TIME FOR SOME MORE ‘LOST’ PREDICTIONS & UNANSWERED WHAT-HAVE-YOU’S:

1. Charlotte will die. I also think Miles will die too. They came on board this show to late to stick around much longer.

2. With Jin being alive, is anyone else alive? Did somehow Michael survive?

3. Jin being alive now has many many implication for future episodes of the show. We already got a taste of Ben telling Sun that he knows he is alive. Plus, how are Locke, Sawyer, Juliette, and the Nerds going to react when they find him. I also believe Jin needs to disassociate himself from Rousseau as quickly as possible. Jin could be crucial and the key here. Maybe even prove Faraday useful.

4. Desmond is also the key. The Dark Horse. He will always be one of my favorite characters. I think his presence from afar is keeping this whole thing from unraveling and I also believe Penny gets on board and eventually will be the demise of her father’s empire and will also free her from Ben’s promise of killing her.

5. This lawyer, what the hell. So he works for Ben and also delivers settlement money to Claire’s mom. That is quite peculiar.

6. Why the hell is everyone trying to tranquilize Sayid? Is Ben behind it? Whitmore? Or maybe Apleton or another of the O.G. Others as I like to call them.

7. Why when Ben and Jack are trying to rally everyone to ‘Long Beach’ to leave for the Island, is no one trying to find or contact Sun?

8. So part of the Locke’s, Juliette’s, Sawyer’s, and the Nerds’ surivival is co-dependent on everyone coming back, right? So why in a previous episode in Season 4 did Kate have a dream of Claire forbidding Kate from bringing back Aaron to the island?

9. Here is another thing, if everyone has to come back to save the remainders on the Island, and Locke knows this, then why don’t they all figure out a way to get everyone off the fucking Island? Duh! I know easier said than done but that should really be the focus, dontcha think?

10.  This isn’t much but, in my opinion, Sawyer is damn fucking lucky Kate didn’t see him watching her assist delivery to Claire in that time warp. That, would have been bad!

How I have always viewed myself…but never realized until this moment

The details of my life are quite…inconsequential. I am a 29 year old Jewish male, 1st generation and the son of my parents who were political refugees from the former U.S.S.R. and immigrated to New York City from Israel in the late 1970’s. I was born and spent the first 25 years of my life in Los Angeles, CA. There I managed to accumulate friends from all walks of life, discover and enjoy the pleasures of “herbal” remedies, channel my creativity through the strings on my guitar, and was fortunate to let my undying love for the most eclectic offerings of metal, punk rock, classic rock, and nu-progressive rock (aka The Mars Volta, Coheed and Cambria, etc.) guide me on a musical mission that has given me the privilege to preview at least 200 live concerts in my lifetime thus far and do nothing but talk “shop” with any and all musicians alike with similar integrity.

 

After graduating from the University of Southern California with my degree from the Annenberg School for Communication, I did what any Comm major who just graduated from an overpriced school with absolutely no clue as to what an individual with a Comm degree does…lots and lots of drugs. I was 22 that year in 2002 and was in love with my best friend at the time I liked to call “rock bottom.”

 

Eventually, I realized I did not take any pleasure in cutting checks to pay back student loans every month in between my random nosebleeds and 3am runs to Jack in the Box, so I decided it was time to put my glorified piece of paper that proclaimed to the world that “I am somebody too” which I also paid 50 grand for to some use. Right? “Why not” I said.

 

Obviously easier said then done but that’s a whole other blog my friends. Finally I got my first big break. My first corporate job where I pretended that I mattered because I had to wear a tie to work everyday or maybe it was because I had my own cubicle (every college graduates dream come true) or could it be due to the fact that “water cooler conversation” basically centered around how many of our customers did we fuck over today. One of my closest friends from college (also former biggest weed dealer on campus) got me this job. I still don’t know if I should have thanked him or thrown him off a bridge into a ocean filled with sharks with freakin lasers attached to their freakin’ heads.

 

I worked for a company that maintained and serviced the largest website dedicated to giving homebuyers free access to the largest database of homes available for sale on the real estate market, that to protect my friends who still may work there will remain nameless (the website is called Realtor.com, fathered by Homestore.com which is now called Move.com …sorry fellas.)

 

While I was there I was able to befriend all the top salesmen who either liked having me around because I was the little runt in the litter who they believed in or because after work was done for the day, I actually was fun to be around. I was the heavy metal-loving, guitar-playing, misunderstood pot head in a room filled douche bags, thieves, and my closest friends at the time. While I was working for this online media mogul for the next year and a half of my life I realized some real unpleasant things and soon enough witnessed the metamorphisis of what once was a man devoted to music, culture, and the promise of success into shell of a man nearly 50 pounds overweight in my 5th year of a failing relationship surrounded by family that made a hobby of constantly guilting me and living in a one bedroom apartment by the beach with my roommate/best friend who was allergic to cleanliness.

 

That is when my equilibrium collapsed and my life began. One random Monday in April 2004 I decided to quit my $65K paying a year job that I completely sucked at and never survived a day where I was not threatened with being fired. The following day, Tuesday, I called the California Culinary Academy in San Francisco (a city I had never been to) and I enrolled. Friday, I said good-bye to a life that could literally go and fuck itself.

The next week I packed all my shit said good-bye to my parents, sister, girlfriend, college and high school buddies, and of course my lovely cabana by the beach. I loaded up the SUV and landed in what could literally be the shittiest neighborhood I ever had to live in: The Dreaded, Feared, and Loved Tenderloin District of San Francisco. I moved into a hostel with my kitten Cedric, my guitars, and a half ounce of So-Cal’s finest.

 

Regardless of the fact that within my first week there living in what I think is truly one of the most amazing cities I had ever seen, I was offered crack, blow jobs from tranny prostitutes, and bared witness to a sleuth of crimes that truly shook my inner-most core, I sucked it up and started my first day of Culinary School the next week. And still to this day I will always regard as the best decision of my life (that is not a cue for all you lost souls to go enroll.)

 

In that year I learned everything I could about the art of slicing, dicing, building sauces, butchering meat, creating fictitious restaurants from the ground up, finally understood how the fuck read a wine label, and that was just while I was in school. When I was not in school, I was working out at the gym daily, watching my diet, walking the streets and smelling the culture, seeing every live band I could. I lost 50 pounds, discovered a sense of style and was previewed to the fact that I actually did have a point of view. Oh yea, I got my nipples pierced too!!! Something I always wanted to do but never had the marbles to do it. Speaking of marbles, I learned how to talk to girls, at bars, and get their phone numbers, and go on dates, and live like that Carrie Bradshaw bitch on that “Old Whores in New York City” show.

 

Eventually, my year was up. Time to go home I guess. But why? I never realized how much I fucking hated L.A. and how much I wished the whole fucking city would just burn the fuck down. But when I came back, it was hard to not notice that I had changed. I smiled and shit now. People tend pick up on that sort of thing.

 

But with what seemed within minutes, here I was back in the “shit.” I felt the guilt of my family slide right back onto my shoulders, my friends simply had not changed a lick, and the best part, my ex wanted to move in and all I wanted to do was die.

 

I had my first culinary job at a luxurious chain of hotels in Century City that begins with the letter “H” (aka the Hyatt). Wow, what a fall from grace. Here I was, a college graduate from a prestigious private university working 50 hours a week, every fucking shift on the planet: nights, weekends, holidays, graveyard, for just a few bucks more than minimum wage. Meanwhile all my friends were partying, making money, living what seemed to be the façade of a life that I threw a year and for some reason started to miss a little. If it was not for the wealth of knowledge I collected from the biggest ball-busting Hawaiin chef who mentored me, I might have just quit my job and give ITT Tech a try. And learn I did, everything I could, soaked it up like a sponge, meanwhile pleading with God, asking him why does he hate me so much.

 

But then, 3 months into my move back to L.A., I understood why God had brought me back. She is the girl I fell in love with at first sight, first kiss, first shared joint, and first crack at the horizontal mambo! She is my version of the quintessential “evil twin brother” from any 70’s Kung-Fu Movie. She is strong, decisive, intelligent, controversial, and never knows when the shut the hell up, but it is actually quite endearing.

 

8 months into our blissful state of existence and after surviving an emergency appendectomy with no health insurance mixed in with having a chef at work with a vendetta against me, I decided to quit and accept the fact cooking was in my blood, but not a lifestyle conducive with what I thought was a satisfying way to live.

 

I was offered a position with premium importer of some of the world’s finest chocolate from Switzerland, amongst other gourmet products, and was asked to move back to the Bay Area and consult with Chefs anywhere and everywhere and do whatever it took to get them to use our products and make them profitable at the same time.

 

3 and a half years later I am happy to report to all of you that from starting a measly little worm at Realtor.com to my current position I have now, I transformed into a consulting machine where real chefs take heed to my advice meanwhile having broken all kinds of records inside my company. Unfortunately, my sweetheart did not take so kindly to the Bay Area, but she is here with me. We live together. We do everything together (and apart). We support each other in everyway and always stand by each other’s side. I finally grew the fuck up. Oh yea I quit drugs too, well for the most part. I still smoke a little weed here and there, honest!

 

Pushing 30 years old, I finally understand that life does not give flying fuck about our plans, goals, dreams, and destiny. All those things are accomplished through a random series of good decisions and good luck. The good news is 40 is the new 20 and I think I am kind of looking forward to it.

 

The following is a tribute to all the friends that were not mentioned in my profile above but should have been. They will be represented the first initial of their first name in chronological order of when they may have impacted my life.

 

B,N,N,C,D,A,H,J,E,C,A,J,V,S,E,T,S,V,J,D,J,S,B,G,B,J,J,C.

Andrew Zimmern and His Poor Poor Toilet!

So as a self-certified foodie I have to admit Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern has started to captivate me some. Sometimes I actually enjoy watching the cultural aspects that I normally get out of watching No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain. But let’s be real, we all watch this shit to see what this fucker will stomach down for money.

Honestly, if Andrew Zimmern’s toilet had a choice, it would rather be the one and only outhouse at the Month-Long Texas Chili Cook Off in the dead heat of August. If his toilet could speak, it would utter whimpering cries of “Oh God not again, seriously please, of all toilets why did you pick me??? Damn you Zimmern!!!! Damn you to a shit-infested Hell that could rival the entire length of the Ganges River!!!!” If his toilet could grow little porcelain arms and hands, it would reach for the nearest hammer-like object and pummel itself until it was a heaping pile of rubble and dribbling water. Oh the furious things this man must shit out on a daily basis simply assssss-stounds me.

Let’s be real, we all had nights where we went out drinking, got loaded, and thought a 3am run to Taco bell was a bright idea, only to wake up, find ourselves crouched on our White Heavenly Thrones, and in the privacy of our subconscious thank whomever we believe in for not being reincarnated as our toilet at that particular moment! Now take that moment and multiply it by a billion and you still will not even come close to the agony that this poor inanimate object that is Andrew Zimmern’s toilet feels every time it looks up at his god-forsaken asshole awaiting the slow putrid death it is about to be inundated with.

Our fecal matter is literally decaying mass rotting in our large intestine. To the average man that could mean a couple cups of coffee stewed in your garden-variety fast food, mixed in with the occasional pot roast, grilled chicken, and BLT. If this is you, you can pretty much expect what is coming out the other end and when for that matter. But when your diet consists of char-broiled guinea pig (aka domesticated rat), still-beating tuna hearts, goat testicles, scorpion satay, mayonnaise milkshakes (I’m not kidding), and every fucking worm this world has ever seen, well my friends, if I was Andrew Zimmern, I would call the Andy Gump Porta-Potty people and have them figure out a way to make a porta-potty fit in my briefcase meanwhile being an adequate shareholder for the companies that own Pepto-Bismol and Immonium AD.

Then again, I just realized, Andrew Zimmern does travel a lot. That must mean he must defecate in many foreign toilet bowls and maybe the one at home actually lives a very happy life. Dammit I just killed my own blog!

Is Roland Burliss a Viable Replacement for President-Elect Barack Obama??? I say “I Dont’ Think So Congress!”

 

 

 

Once again our Congress has proven to be completely worthless and ineffective under the leadership of Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker Nancy Pelosi. I am not saying this because I am a registered Republican in search of my very lost political party. I am saying this because time and time again the Democrats have shown the American people how unnecessary it is to have a backbone in politics. Sure the Republicans have proven to be corrupt and undermining of the constituents who elect them, but damn at least they can make a decision and stick to it.

 

Let us examine a very informal timeline. A week before Christmas 2008 Governor Rod Blagojevich of Illinois was arrested on charges of corruption ranging from a variety “Pay-to-Play” scandals which eventually loomed to the possibility of auctioning off Presidential-Elect Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder, of course all caught on tape. The Democratic Party, at the time, completely elated with all the negative press the Republicans have been getting are mortified by this scandal and completely wash their hands of this corrupt governor and his unforgiveable actions.

 

A day before the end of the year, Governor Blagojevich decided, “Hey why don’t I stick it to the American people, the people of Illinois who elected me to do a job for them, the members of the political party which I represent, and any other obnoxious American citizen and media outlet who wants my head on a stick” by nominating my state Attorney General, Roland Burliss to replace the vacant seat, who also supposedly has a squeaky clean record, and oh yeah, happens to be a black man. Honestly, who knew how brilliant this guy Blagojevich was.

 

 

 

Meanwhile the state is dicking around with the notion of impeaching Governor Blagojevich, our morally impotent Democratic Congress who screamed “bloody murder” over Governor Blagojevich being legally allowed to make such an appointment, considering the circumstances and charges allegedly being held against him, is being accused of being racist by the NAACP if they do not let Roland Burliss into his legally appointed Senate seat.

 

Governor Blagojevich maybe on his way to a jail cell but he will be giving our United States Government and its constituents the one-finger wave on this way to the slammer. A quick word to the NAACP: I understand that Attorney General Burliss maybe the African-American community’s last hope at having a black man in the United States Senate, but racist, come on, please! We have a woman (not a very bright woman) who is the Speaker of the House and Secretary State, not to mention our current Secretary of State is a black woman, we had a Latin American heading our Department of Commerce until he resigned and oh yea have you noticed, we have our nation’s first elected African American President coming into office in just over a week. Racist? It is time to change the record guys and come up with new ways to push your lobby.

 

This appointment has been tainted. It is time to leave it up to the people. Have an election Illinois. If you cannot make decisions like this, then it is no wonder why your state is one of the most politically corrupt in our Union. I believe more African-Americans will be running in this supposed election and I completely invite Attorney General Burliss to run as well. Get the seat the right way, through the people’s choice, not the wrong way which would be from a guy accused of selling the seat in the first place.

 

Denying Roland Burliss has nothing to do with the color of his skin. Refusing Roland Burliss this seat is simply due to the man who appointed him. A man two ass-hairs away from impeachment and is being implicated for nearly selling that seat in the first place. Even though it is still legal, that is it, a conflict of interest exists now. Plus, I apologize, I have to mention that doesn’t Roland Burliss look like the shiftiest, most untrustworthy politician you have ever seen? Man is he loving the spotlight on him right now. Put aside your personal interests NAACP and spineless Democratic-heavy Congress and for once set a good example and make the right choice. Man oh man, Obama has his work cut out for him. No wonder the world hates us, shit, the world? I am a born American citizen and honestly children in the 1^st grade can do a better job than these pathetic excuses for elected officials. Wake up Washington!

One Reason Why I Miss George W. Bush (Trust Me, There is Only One)

 

Truly, human nature is a funny thing I tell you. I cannot believe I am about to say what I am going to say. I kind of sort of in a weird way miss (deep breath) George W. Bush.But wait wait wait, not in the way you think I mean. I didn’t realize this until I watched the above YouTube clip and just realized you know, G.W. was a god-awful president, but dammit he provided this country with one very wholesome thing. He allowed the United States of America to ridicule him for 8 solid years in a way that we have never mocked anyone in the spotlight before. You know when I think about guys like Andy Dick, Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, they got it super fucking easy compared to this guy. Dare I say it, but, he was rather inspiring in that way. I only know this because he is gone now and we as a country are quickly trying to forget he was ever born let alone President. But I know that we as Country will never ever elect not such a dumb, redneck, shit-kickin’, inarticulate, seriously knee-slapping hilarious President again like George Walker Bush.  

 

OK seriously think about. You know they say hindsight is 20/20. If for only one instance did G.W. ever defend the Constitution, something I personally hold very sacred to me, even unknowingly, it was because Democracy gives us the freedom to publicly denounce, berate, basically do anything short of a bomb threat to our elected officials, including and especially our highest-elected official. Saddam would have personally shot you point blank in the head, Castro probably would have imprisoned you and bankrupted your farm, and Communist China would have used “legal” means to implement the death penalty on you. In good ole America, you could possibly get your own TV show on Comedy Central for such antics.  

 

Wikipedia stipulates that the political significance of the court jester was in “societies where freedom of speech was not recognized as a right, the court jester – precisely because anything he said was by definition“a jest” and “the uttering of a fool”- could speak frankly on controversial issues in a way in which anyone else would have been severely punished for, and monarchs understood the usefulness of having such a person at their side.” Ummmm hellooooooo!!!!! Did anyone ever fit that bill better than G.W.? I mean I would like to pass that torch to Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, or even Rod Blagojevich, but they couldn’t even do nearly half as a good of job and would not even know what to do with that job but could probably do it better than the one they currently have.

 

Regardless, he we are today, in a society where the hardships of life is no laughing matter. We all hear it, credit is frozen, jobs are diminishing, crime is rising, and everyone is broke as fuck.As a man who did not vote for Barack Obama, I must say I am extremely impressed that even with his inexperience, he was able to hit the ground running and pave the road for Washington to do a good job by implementing ethics codes on his 1^st day and on his 2^nd day speak very diplomatically without any hot air about the crisis in Gaza and in the Middle East. I think he is doing great, but now guys like Bill Maher, John Stewart, and Stephen Colbert, might have to resort to stalking their local government for a scandal now, or just the Democratic Party outside the White House. But I digress. The court jester was a symbol of rebellion and freedom demonstrated through the art and skill of being the village idiot. It is only in this context do I miss our former President and would vote to create a government position specifically for him as United States Court Jester, make him wear the fucking funny hat with the bells and everything, and allow my tax dollars to pay his salary.Enjoy your remaining years George, quite the legacy you have left us, but at least we will always have YouTube to remind us, of well, a funnier time in American History. Cheers!

 

The Truth About Why I Think the World (Wrongfully) Hates Israel

Surprisingly, I really do not know where to begin.  Pictures like the one above sicken me to my very core. It truly is not an easy task, with crunching all the (exact not fabricated) numbers, trying to link separate incidents to terrorist acts,  and how the U.S. represents itself in the Middle East,  deciphering who is right? who is wrong? who is justified? and to what extent?

Although I am sure anyone that personally knows me knows that I am a very pro-Israel constituent with bias due to my religious faith and my extended family that reside in Israel.  With this bias inside me, all the mediacoverage be it print, radio, or television (and I am not talking about opinion-based editorials, just the regular news) seems to draw more sympathy from the Palestinian sideand victimize them meanwhile the big and bad presence of Israel continues to badger and bully around this helpless group of people.  Now what I am going to say is very important, as much of the pain, suffering, torture, and death organizations like the PLO, Hezbollah, and Hamas have inflicted on the Israeli people over the years, this will not be just another blog bashing Palestinians.

Now I apologize for the long introduction but let us get to the issue at hand: “Why is the World Opinion of Israel so Unfavorable?” I believe it is for 3 reasons. Let’s address a few of them. First I believe this notion was perpetuated by the unsuccessful presidency of George W. Bush. It certainly did not start here I confess. However, history shows that a Pre-W. Bush U.S. actually demonstrated the significance of aiding a country like Israel in its precarious situation of being a country the size of Florida being surrounded in a territory probably the size of half the U.S. with no more a stronger wish than ending their existence.  Now during W’s time as president, with the world no longer looking to the U.S. to set the bar and be the beacon freedom, liberty, and capitalism, and waging unjustifiable wars specifically in Iraq,  I believe citizens of the U.S. (who hated its own government) and these disappointed people around world viewed Israel like a mini-United States, who’s very presence in the Middle-East seems to be synonmous with the U.S.’s mission of spreading Democracy in Iraq, where it is simply just not wanted.

This concept reminds me how fickle people are. The decision of one bad president, and his ignorance of the “trickle-down” factor (which he himself believes in) resulting from his poor domestic and foreign decisions, has shifted the people’s view as if it were a light switch, on and off.

Then of course there is the lovely media-moguls(CNN, CNBC, Fox News, etc.) No I am not going to blame them, they just report the numbers and facts right? Let’s be real, your average unaffected American does not really understand what the Israel-Palestine conflict is about, how it started, or why it even exists.But ever since the ratings for the media giants soared due to the overwhelming coverage of last years Presidential Campaign and Election, news reporting just is not the same. Consequently, I believe more people are watching the news now, even more addictively, and are trying to keep up with a world that changes every minute. This results in people living in the moment and absorbing as much as they can retain at that moment.

Please watch Michael Bloomberg’s comments on Gaza’s most recent conflict. I really could not have said it better myself.

With the most recent conflict in Gaza, all Americans ever heard about was Israel firing missiles into innocent little Palestinian schools, hospitals, and mosques. The so-called media never explained really, just mentioned it in small sound-bytes every here and there,  that this resulted from the exponential growth of Hamas’ rockets fired into Israel and that Hamas was being supplied their arsenal through the borders of Egypt which on a world stage is completely illegal.

What I do not understand is how people outside the region and accross the world cannot see who Hamas really is? When I say Hamas, I mean Hamas specifically, I do not hold the Palestinians responsible for Hamas’ actions (except for them having elected Hamas into government, of course). How can the Palestinians praise for Hamas for using them as human shields. They set their stations up next schools and hospitals as defensive strategy so that when their is a counterstrike, the people on the street feel it not Hamas. Why do you think Hamas hides their arsenal inside of mosques (which must be one of the sacrilegious things any god-fearing man can do)? So when there is a counterstrike it appears as if Israel is attacking Islam, not just Palestinians.

Yet in the meantime all the silly little pissed-off American sees is this little country Israel that is not welcome in its region pissing people off everywhere with its missles bombing schools, hospitals, mosques, and little children. This is the strategy of cowards not a people or a country. Hamas proclaims themselves as a terrorist group, the U.S. did not dub them this title. How much longer did Israel have to take this from its enemies? For decades they have had to swallow their pride and not risk losing face to the worldeverytime a rickety second-hand five-finger discount missle sold through the black market was fired at them unsuspectedly. Every cease-fire agreement has been broken by some terrorist group of the time be it Hamas or Hezbollah or what have you. I am sorry this had to happen, I really truly am, but the Palestinians need to hold their own government accountable for these circumstances not Israel or the United States.

Then I look around me, all the hippies in Berkeley, and now spreading throughout all the metropolitan areas in our country, beating the drum of ending aid to Israel, chanting cries of Israel being the enemy, and we need free to Palestine. These arrogant fucking “Americans,” who have no fucking stake in this conflict whatsoever, do not realize everytime they say these things, it is the equivalent of carrying out a death sentence to every Jew in the Middle East.

People no longer remember, or care to even admit, or in my opinion actually give a shit,  about the countless unsolicited rockets fired every day, month, and year, on Israelisordered by a self-proclaimed terrorist group (Hamas) that has been elected into government by its own people. That would be the equivalent of U.S. citizens electing the Klu Klux Klan into Congress and allowing them to pass legislation that would ensure random and unwarranted hangings of Black people, simply for being Black.

Forget the rockets, did we forget all the countless suicide bombers blowing up buses, nightclubs, and synogogues,  killing so many children and unsuspecting members of a working-class nation who’s only crime was going to work that day, or celebrate a long work-week spent, or even thank God in their house of worship for the things they have.

On that note, have we as the United States forgotten about September 11th. No one seems to remember that on that day people on the streets of the Arab world, and most prominently the Palestinians, were cheering, celebrating, and parading at their “moral” victory over the American dogs and the 3,000 they killed that day.

My last point I want to make is quite a generalized one but one cannot get over. This is a point I come accross in my travels through life just walking on the street and hearing strange things in earshot of where I am or in eyeshot of what I can see. I believe, fundamentally and to a degree, this world generally, is qute anti-Semitic. Why do you think anti-Semitism has it own classification and is not just called racism? Sure I know being Jewish is not a race, but think about it for one second? It is not easy being racist against Black, Brown, Asian, or any other skin color. You kind of have to let it known if you hate these people. But Jews, that’s easy. You can work with a Jew, have a one-night stand with a Jew, buy your everyday cup of coffee from a Jew, and not know they are Jewish, or know they are, hate them silently and go about your day. Consequently, your average white anglo-saxon person (WASP) can turn the other cheek when the wish to have my way of life be exterminated for centuries never seems to bother these so-called tolerant ‘I love everyone and gay people too’ fakes when silently they could honestly give a fuck about anyone but themselves, but feel its more important to appear politically correct.

At the end of the day, Israel needs a new PR team. I am grateful for Obama’s support and recognition of  Hamas’ aggression on Israel and Israel’s right to defend itself mean while recognize Palestinians right to live and coexist. This is exactly how I feel. In a more primitive time, sure I admit, I did not want to share this land with anyone but my people. Now I have changed my view on this. It needs to be shared no matter how much it pains both sides, and many Israeli and Palestinian moderates (which outweigh the fanatics on both sides) agree. There is no other way to end the blood shed, there really isn’t. If there was, it would have been discovered by now. I, as a proud Jew, believe it is God’s will that our ultimate test as humanity is our ability to acheive tolerance and live amongst our enemies in peace. Aside from the end of the world, that is our only chance. I hope the human spirit prevails and sees this through, but we first need to stop letting what we see on TV, hear on the radio, actions of our irresponsible government, think for us and make our decisions for us. Research, Evaluate, and then Decide!

The Presidential Family That “Fists?” Together, Stays Together

 

 

WARNING:

If you are drinking anything while watching this YouTube clip, I suggest putting it down before continuing.

So I know most of the viral community across America must have seen this already, if not the viral community then the other half who watches ‘The Soup’ on E!, but apparently one of the Obamas’ most appealing attributes that they bring with them into The White House is the endless amounts of affection they have towards one another. The eye contact. The hand-holding. The kissing. The kissing very close to or even on the lips (oooooooohhhhhh!!!! those nasty Obamas). The Obamas apparently make the Clinton’s and the Kennedy’s look like Puritans on their way to a witch-burning ritual.

But it’s not just their affection mind you, but the splendor of the kink and raunch in the married lives of Chicago politicians. Fisting apparently will always  be the differentiating factor between the presidency of the Obamas and every other presidency in U.S. History. Let us all take in the “Fair” and “Balanced” reporting of Fox News’ editorial journalist ‘The Love Doctor,” Dr. Terri Orbach (by the way has anyone noticed the name Orbach has quite a unique marriage of the words Barack and Obama…..creeeepy).

Apparently, Dr. Orbach believes fisting one another is just as emotional as kissing and touching one another. The punchline is, I think this naive doctor of love has never heard of fisting as a term of pornographic endearment. By fisting, I could only imagine she was referring to the “fist-pumping” one would do at a concert or at a campaign rally. Either way Fist On! Dr. Orbach and Fist On! Barack and Michelle!

Man I can only imagine the Monday morning meeting she must have had with her boss the following day. How does a boss explain to their journalist that she just told the better half of Michigan, and nearly all of the viral communities in America that the way to a happy and successful relationship requires one literally inserting their fist into either one or both of your loved one’s oriphices, because that’s what the Obamas do. Good Luck with that promotion Dr. Orbach.

 

Let Us Start a “Lost” Dialogue, In Dedication to Season 5

OK so I admit it, I love “Lost.”But I am also a late-bloomer to this curse of a show because, honestly,  I did not need a new show to be addicted to. But like a virus, like a parasite, like an unwelcome disease it has entered my mind, soul, spirit, and psyche through my girlfriend’s sister’s unrelenting persistence and now it will never leave.  It can only leave if some questions are answered. Even though finally some questions are starting to get answered, let us just say we are on #6 out of at least 500. There, are you happy Christine!!!!!??? Are you!!!!!!????

Fortunately, I caught up before it was too late. Anyone who just started watching Season 5, and really have no clue what is going on, boy oh boy, do I pity you! Forget it! Hang it up! Go to blockbuster rent all the seasons and then wait for Season 5 to come out on DVD. Even Jimmy Kimmel, who worships this show, made a spoof not understanding a damn thing about this show. Please view the clip below, it is pretty fucking funny:

 

OK so anyone chime on in as you feel it may be appropriate. So the way I see it, 3 episodes into the 5th season, this is how it goes down. It is 3 years after the Oceanic Six have been rescued. Locke, Sawyer, Juliette, Miles, Faraday, and Charlotte, (amongst a bunch of island randomners) remain on the island. Jack is a pill popper now who has teamed up with Ben in a quest to get everyone (including a dead John Locke or Jeremy Bentham, whoever he is) back on the island and who has also lost Kate who happens to think she is really Aaron’s momand are both on the run because Whitmore has hired lawyers to perform DNA testing on both her and Aaron in an effort to disprove their relationship. Sun was pissed at Kate and blamed her for Jin’s death on the tanker but now forgives her, or does she?

Sayid broke Hurley out of the mental institution and are now on the run. Everyone thinks Hurley has murdered the people that Sayid has which has helped keep them alive and even though Hurley promised to one day not help Sayid for making him lie about the island, Hurley still helps an unconscious Sayid by having his dad “Cheech” take Sayid to the hospital where Jack revives him. Before Sayid’s coma, Sayid made Hurley promise him that he would not listen to anything Ben said because Ben was using to Sayid to kill for himand Sayid found out. Also Cheech made Jack promise to leave Hurley alone meanwhile Ben finds Hurley at his house, scares the shit out of him, and runs into the loving arms of the police.

Now the people left on the island are stuck in a never-ending record skip of time travel on the island. At any time or any moment the island can flash and jump forward or backward in time for however long it wants to. Locke has already bore witness to the drug-dealers plane crashing and was shot by an other and has had his wound healed by the O.G. Other Richard Alpert who tells him he needs to get off the island to save the people on itand that Locke is the new leader of the Others and gives Locke a keepsake compass in case they run into one another before they ever meet in another time flash. Meanwhile in a separate time flash, Faraday finds Desmond in the hatch and tells Desmond thathe needs to find himself (Faraday) in a different time at Oxford University and needs to help Charlotte’s nose to stop bleeding and does not die from the very thing Desmond almost died of in Season 4.  Desmond who for some reason does not need to follow the rules of island tells Penny his old-new-lost-found-love-that-just-bore-his-child-and-on-the-run-from-her-dad-Whitmore that he needs to do this one thing for the people still on the island because of a dream he just had. Reluctantly she decides to let Desmond on with his quest. Desmond finds out that Faraday’s research has been funded by the enemy Whitmore and sees Faraday’s one true love in England suffering from the very thing Charlotte is on a bed but without the influence of the island.  Desmond becomes suspicious of Faraday (I believe) breaks into Whitmore’s office, who really hates Desmond, and gives him the information he needs. Faraday’s mom is in Los Angeles. Guess who else is in L.A.: Jack, Hurley, Sayid, Sun, and Kate.

Alright we all caught up now. Please someone correct me if I am wrong here.

Take a break and enjoy a Lost Spoof:

 

OK, time for my predictions and things I find interesting:

1.  Why is it taking so long for Charlotte to die? Everyone else with the nosebleed died in 20 minutes practically? Maybe it is because she was born on the island?

2. Watch out for Sun, her secret meetings with Whitmore do not suggest she really forgives Kate.

3. I feel some love is brewing between Juliette and Sawyer, it has been 3 years after all.

4. Jack is strangely taking orders from Ben, someone he never ever would have helped, to help save Locke, another guy Jack greatly resented.

5. Why did Hurley help Sayid when he vowed the one time he needed him Hurley would not be there?

6.  I do not think Faraday will be able to save Charlotte on time. I also think Desmond will lose faith in Faraday.

7. Did anyone notice this was the first time Whitmore was nice to Desmond?

8. Locke already made it off the island, which is he why he ended up dead in the end of Season 4. That is the only way to get off the island.

9. I think that the “beef” between Ben and Whitmore stem back way way back when we see that Whitmore was a young solider working under Alpert. I just keep recalling that Season 4 incident when Ben and Whitmore had that midnight moment when Ben vowed to kill Penny. You can tell their beef dates back to “other” moments.

10. Why does everyone call the island, “my island” or “our island.”This sense of ownership creeps me out. I think this is what happens the longer you stay on it. I equate the island in Lost to the ring in Lord of the Rings. People guilty or soon to be guilty of their alliance to the “precious:” Charles Whitmore, Ben Linus, John Locke, anyone in uniform that holds a gun, I think either Jack or Hurley are next.

Alright thanks for letting me vent all this. Jump in if you got anything to offer.

Below is a map of “THE ISLAND” Check it out

 

Journey from the Top 7 to the Top 6 on Season 5 of NBC Channel 4’s Bravo’s Top Chef (3-2-1…Go!)

 

Alright ya’ll time to write a food blog. I know I have not written one in a while but I thought now would be a good time to speak on Season 5’s Top Chef. This is probably the one and only show I truly ever tune in for, religiously, since the first episode of Season 1 when Harold won. Damn, I get nostalgic every time I think of Season 1 and the show’s lower-budget beginnings, when I didn’t have to hear sponsored by Glad every fucking 15 seconds when Padma opens her dipshit mouth, but that is a different blog. Maybe I will do a blog on how even though I love the show still just as much as Season 1, no Top Chef season can ever seem to surpass its season predecessor. I guess it’s just a curse of all Bravo shows. Also I would like to comment that last season’s show in Chicago was the one I gave the least shit about. I think I stopped watching after I realized I saw too many people losing that should be winning and vice versa. Honestly, ever since Sam was robbed in Season 2, I never properly recovered.Season 5 started off promising and with a few questionable calls here and there, I still believe the guy that is going to win this season is still on the show, by the skin of his teeth. However, I am a little pissed “pretty-boy” Jeff McInnis from DILiDO Beach Resort in Miami had to leave us. Do not misunderstand me, I was not one of those oooogling-gay bloggers salivating by the TV screen waiting for him to take his shirt off or one of these pretentious chef-from-home’s who ripped out what is left of his hair every time he would not take Colichio’s advice trying not to rape, murder, and pillage every recipe he attempted to recreate. I actually thought this guy could cook and we soon came to believe, thanks to the Restaurant Wars episode, he is also some sorcerer/wizard model-looking chef.

Talking about putting in and sending out “the love,” which Carla thinks she is acclaimed at doing so well, no one Season 5 actually put some much time and care and thought from conception, to execution, to plating like Jeff did. Sometimes over thinking a recipe and not letting the ingredients do their own job will compromise a dish but that is the only way I would like to go out if for some reason I was not going to win Top Chef. Jeff should listen more to Tom Colicchio because even though I agree with Jeff, and do not think Tom Colicchio is the greatest chef on the planet and his restaurants are an over-priced hype, the man is a genius when it comes to critiquing a dish. His criticisms are short, sweet, eloquent, and articulate, and most of all useful. All these contestants who get sent home hate the criticism and I ask myself why? Free tips from a panel like they have, man I would be writing that shit down, getting my notebook and tape-recorder, asking the panel to slow down and repeat themselves.  When I mean panel, I mean everyone but Padma Lakshmi. Wow, what a lucky dumb shit she is having a hosting gig like this one. I admit it is not all the time Padma is being Captain Obvious but come on we all know the golden rule right: “Models are never allowed to speak,” its time to start honoring that rule again, yes I am talking to you Tyra.

Sorry, I digress. Look I know Big-Bird, ugh I mean Carla, is a sweetheart and is exuberant at the thought of sending out “the love” with her train wrecks when she knows damn well you do not send out easy no-brianer things like say food with hair on it, or maybe a well-done new york strip to guy chomping at the bit for his medium-rare slice of heaven, or a piece of fish that maybe a little on the stinky side because it is an extra-day old or say chicken breast with the internal temp of 136 degrees but you need to have sent out because its slowing down the line, or gee Carla I don’t know, sending out melted fucking ice cream (or frozen yogurt). Yet she lives to fight another day and the soft-spoken (soft in pretty much everything) mediocre cook Radhika was sent home. Then in our most recent episode they had to battle Top Chef Contestants of Christmas past in a Super Bowl Showdown. Look I am calling it now Stefan will win this season hands down! I knew it from the first episode. I am a full proponent of the old who ever wins the first elimination contest ends up winning the whole kit-n-kaboodle. But you know how heart-wrenching it was to see my three favs Jeff, Stefan, and Fabio. I mean sure I agree Stefan had it coming. He needed to have his ego deflated quickly, and who better to do it but the bitch who is notorious for being one of the worst Top Chef Contestants ever, Andrea “the Colon Blower with her Vegan Cooking Style” Beaman. Wow I knew God had a sense of humor when she took out Stefan the Terrible.

Fabio! Oh Poor Fabio!!!! Wake up from your slumber. You are slipping man. I know you can cook better than this. You are definitely my fan favorite you-a sexy-a piece-a Italian-a hunk-a man-a. It doesn’t matter I guess, what will be will be. This show is already over and I will see you flounder or prevail in due time. I just hope you end up in the Top 3 with Stefan and Jamie which is what I predicted from the first episode. Jeff and Hosea (Mr. Loose Lips) was always in my top 5. But the way things are looking I am seeing Jamie, Stefan, and Big Bird (ugh I mean Carla) or Jamie, Stefan, and Hosea (which is what it should be if Fabio goes home for some bullshit reason.

Hey isn’t it funny that Hosea is being all shitty to Leah now that the cameras saw them macking. Man that Jewish guilt weighs a ton let me tell you. He knows everyone will remember him for being part of the first scandalous hook-up on Top Chef history and most people will forget that he can actually cook pretty damn well. Hosea, stop the Leah-bashing, it’s not worth it, she’s my next pick to go home now at this point. Or maybe you can stop calling “Bacon a Vegetable” and God will forgive you. Who knows?

 

And Now For Your Enjoyment, We Bring To You:

A Pic of Tom Colicchio…With Hair!

Leave Michael Phelps Alone…It’s Just Weed, Damn!!!

You know many people thought it was because of swimming that Olympic Record-Breaker Michael Phelps (All kneel before the Son of Poseidon) needed to fulfill a quota of what rumored to be a 12,000 calorie a day intake. Incase you are having a hard time figuring out how much food that is, think of your average fat ass construction worker munching on your average Roach Coach 3 times a day and multiplying that by 4.  How Astounding! This reminds me of the blog I wrote called “Andrew Zimmern and His Poor Poor Toilet.” I suppose I could start a series of blogs commenting on fat asses and the daily endurance tests they put their poor suffering toilets through and make a part 2 about Michael Phelps, but that’s a different blog.

Now this new photo above taken by ‘The News of The World’ might suggest the reason for that high-calorie quota of junk food mass consumption is not due to his swimming only per say. Now, please do not even look at me like some self-righteous media paparazzi wannabe as if I were outing Michael Phelps for getting hiiiiiiiiiiigh! As long as we are on the subject, I got the blog tip from D-Listed!’s Michael K. So I ain’t Christopher Columbus discovering new land here.

Now that we got the disclaimers out of the way, Whoa!!! Holy Fuckamole! Can you believe that God’s Gift to Swimming smokes ganja! Do you know what kind of good PR this is for the weed smoking community? We need more Dream To Succeed-ers! out there getting caught for smoking weed. Think if it was discovered that Angelina Jolie, Andre Agassi, President Obama, along with Michael Phelps and hundreds of other celebrity philanthropists all played poker every Thursday night and passed a blunt around the whole time. Weed would get legalized and parents would stop bitching! I see a bright future for the cloudy smoke of cannabis!

So apparently his dolphin dick told Phelps to walk, drive, or swim as fast as he could to follow a piece of ass named Jordan Matthews to a house party. Once there, according to a witness, someone offered Phelps a toke, and not from some janky-bent-up Dr. Pepper soda can. No, no, no not for this Olympian superstar. He got the V.I.P. treatment. A ROOR bong, which from the picture easliy looks $500, with good ole top o’ da line kush herb! Phelps did not miss a beat. He walked off to the back room, packed that shit, lit that shit, and smoked that shit, like he had been doing it for years!

Clifford Bloxham, Phelps publicist and PR slut, said he would do anything short polishing the chrome off the knobs off all the people at ‘The News of The World’ if they did not run the picture. Bloxham offered a free column written by Phelps every week (about what? How to roll joints underwater I suppose) for the next three years and even have Phelps’ sponsoring machine follow him on the column. I guess that just was not enough. I am glad it got published. Do not be embarrassed of what you have done Michael. You have done nothing wrong. You actually made it more believable that even stoners can be Olympic Champions, like how Obama showed black people that they can be president. If Phelp’s is telling me the key Olympic success is to eat as many double cheeseburgers a day, smoke weed like a chimney, swim once in a while, and spent the rest of the time you have in a day on the shitter, well my friends point me the way to that paradise I would also like to call my life. Puff on Phelps!

Unfortunately, Phelps got busted and he is getting tons of backlash from crybaby-little-14-year-old-wannabe-Olympians who claim Phelps is an ‘abomination.’ “How dare he smoke grass, it just leads to other things.” Now Phelps has to be a slave to the media like everyone else and apologize and promise to never do it again. Phelps, don’t be so weak man. Be proud! You smoked weed and won 8 medals. You deserve a toke. Sometimes I really hate our country’s response to the media, and in this case it wasn’t even American media, it was fucking British media. What a drag.

RUSH LIMBAUGH vs. THE WORLD (I got my $$$ on the World)

Gone were the days I thought where I deemed it necessary to defend media-moguls like CNN and such. I really believed that media outlets have always been the ultimate Catch-22. What I mean is, our society cannot function without the news, and we know that. However if we ever tried to be a society without news, we would be no different than the information-starved Arabs who rely on Al-Jazeera for its news believing things like Hamas won the last conflict in Gaza against Israel amongst other things. And therein lies the Catch-22.

But then we have this real class act, Rush Limbaugh. Rush Limbaugh in my opinion is two monkey-hairs away from becoming a Jim Jones or David Koresh. He preaches his bullshit and serves his “kool-aid” from his pulpit, which he calls the microphone in his protected, probably bullet-proof, sound room where he broadcasts shamelessly a nationally syndicated Talk Radio Show. I hope everyone who reads this knows he has more ratings than Howard Stern times 1000000 on the Talk Radio circuit. Some people listen, people like my father, as if they were in church or temple listening to a sermon read straight out of the Old Testament, as if Mr. Limbaugh is a link in the chain between humanity, the messiah, and almighty God himself. Others listen to hear the mutterings of a buffoon high on his medication and drunk with power desperate to hear which choice words will this man pollute his listeners with next.

To Rush, it’s all the same to him. Numbers are numbers and ratings are ratings. Yet the media and its coverage on the issues and news are so questionable, irresponsible, and unreliable, it really is no wonder why the line between fact and fiction and News and Talk Radio are more blurred now than ever. It is not easy to stand-up to a bully like Rush, that is why I think we need to flip CNN’s Campbell Brown over and check her for cock and balls. When I saw Limbaugh attack Ali Velschi the way he did, all I could think was this tyrant is unstoppable and tenacious, in the worst way. Calling Velschi “incompetent,” and making claims that he is a “disservice to his business,” man I would have reached through that monitor and made Rush choke on that piece of bacon hanging from the side of his fat mouth.

But then I thought that is what he wants his critics to feel when he speaks. You see, when it comes to Rush, when he wins, you lose, when we lose, he wins. In the end, we all lose! Agree with me or not, but that is what he believes. There was a time when Rush was not such a fanatic. Years ago he didn’t have that tinge of “I am God and you are my followers” in his voice. I mdzn it was there, but it was not so prominent. Years ago (when I say years it really feels more like eons), he was actually, dare I say, quite revolutionary. Challenging the public to always question its government and never take things at face value. But then there are YouTube clips, like the following below, that demonstrate to what lengths Rush Limbaugh will go through to make one of his moronic points:

Lately, he has become the ultimate anarchist. He wishes for Obama to fail. He was going to vote for Hillary before McCain, just to prove a point. He is quick to point out the faults in others however never making apologies for his addictions to legal over the counter medications that keep the maniac inside him stable. What the fuck is wrong with this guy. He criticizes from the comfort of his sacred glass room but never sneaks away to make public appearances to defend his bullshit arguments.

He is a farce, a shadow; he creates scapegoats, no different than Hitler did, to unite a disenfranchised group of recession-stricken American citizens, and in unity point the finger of blame to whomever Rush may hate that day. The YouTube clip below is too uncanny to ignore:

And Please Try Telling Me This Isn’t a Man on Drugs:

It is rare when I thank people like Campbell Brown on CNN for sticking to the issues. I love it, a woman, a liberal woman, like Campbell tells Rush that there is no room for such mean ridiculous accusations during what maybe one of this delicate and fragile situations our economy has ever faced. Stick to solutions for a change Rush, c’mon take a chance.

And Now Please Enjoy Some More Fashionable Quotes

By Your Pal, Rush

Rush on Michael J. Fox: “He is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He’s moving all around and shaking and it’s purely an act. … This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn’t take his medication or he’s acting.

Rush on Gender Equality: “Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.”

Rush on The Democrats: “I know these people like I know every square inch of my glorious naked body.”

Rush on the Environment: “There are more acres of forestland in America today than when Columbus discovered the continent in 1492.”

Rush on Rush: “I am addicted to perscription pain medication.”

Christian Bale, You ‘American Pyscho’ You!

 

These are just YouTube clips I am sure everyone has seen, but what kind of human being would I be if I didn’t have Christian Bale’s Meltdown, right? In case you have not seen it yet, you really owe it to yourself. Please enjoy these clips as you see where all your Dark Knight dollars are spent. As you see how the craziest of actors (e.g. Tom Cruise, Joaquin Phoenix, etc.) behave in real life, we soon discover, that we, that’s right, you and me, the Fat and Gluttonous American public are responsible for their demise. You know, that never-ending vicious circle, and on and on we go. It has manifested so bad that, the only time these blockbuster celebrities behave normally, is when they are on-screen. How fucking sad is that! He were see Mr. Bale chewing out the fucking cinematographer for god sake! You know pretty much the most important person on the set of the movie. The guy the fucking director falls back on when he doesn’t have the answer. Wah! poor Chrisitan scolding the man doing his best to make this maniac look approachable in whatever godforsaken spin-off of Terminator they were trying to create. As if we need a fucking Part IV anyways! Anyhoo, I am not mad at Christian Bale. I actually feel sorry for him and not in a condescending way at all. I feel sorry for him they way I feel sorry for Britney Spears and she her children will never know a normal fucking life, no matter how many Cheetos she scarfs down. I hope this YouTube phenomena has grounded Mr. Bale somewhat because boy oh boy does he ever need so badly. Please watch both clips, thank you. And without further ado, I give you, ‘The Meltdown of Christian Bale:’

And Of Course, The Remix…

 

OK, Israel Broke the Cease-Fire This Time. SO WHAT!!!

 

So now the world is an uproar over the confusion over who broke the cease-fire first, was it Israel or Hamas. Apparently it has been confirmed that in this specific instance, it was Israel. And to this is, I say, So! Ummm this could probably be the first time this happened with Israel, OK onceis a very blanketed statement, however just a few times compared to the dozens if not hundreds of times a terrorist organization has broken their side of a cease-fire. Israel just cant catch a break here. Hey I know I am biased for Israel here, but if they were first to break it OK I agree in this instance the responsibility falls on them. But again I say so what. Now Israel is the big bad guy with the big bad government and their big bad guns. Honestly, I have had it.

At the moment, Israel’s world opinion is plummeting like a share of stock belonging to AIG, and it is getting worse and worse by the second. What is not helping their world opinion as well as Israel being able to attain and retain their allies consequently trying to defend itself at all, in my opinion, is the undying support of our failing and retarded government and the politicians who govern it. Do not misunderstand me here, as an American-born Jew I will always appreciate the years and decades of support the United States has given Israel inclusive of President Obama’s recent support of Israel’s right to defend itself and I never take that for granted. However, the citizens of the U.S. are sick of our politicians. Their credibility is so shot to hell that I believe if any random Senator or Congressperson were stand in front of their constituents at a podium and tell you that ‘drinking water everyday is incredibly vital to your health,’ I would put all the money I had on Aquafina, Dasani, Fiji, Evian, and every other Bottled Water Company going bankrupt in 10 minutes following that speech.That is how bad it has become. So even though our government may have the best intentions of defending Democracy and putting every effort into denouncing the behavior of a terrorist group like Hamas, they know not the damage they create.And the reprecussions are literally spinning out of control.

How out of control you might be asking? Well it is my belief, Israel just does not give a fuck about the world opinion anymore, and secretly could quite possibly do without the oral support of the U.S. Government. I wish I was a guy that had the resources to create reliable and accurate statistics because my next statistic would demonstrate the exact number of how many times any terrorist organization, be it Hamas, Hezbollah, or even the PLO, has attacked Israel in the midst of peace or a recently agreed upon cease-fire unsuspectingly, basically catching Israel with their pants down, inadvertently going back on the treaty they had just signed. How many times I ask? I am sure the number tragically may even be to high to count.

And the puncline is, the day after the cease-fire was agreed upon, Hamas not only claims victory, which is just down right silly, but also vows to replenish its aresenal through the borders of Egypt. This is the very thing Israel attacked Gaza for. Are these people, and by these people I am referring to Hamas, fucking stupid or just so boned up on their Haterade that their very mission is to show the world that “we do not give a shit about peace treaties and cease-fires. We will always do everything we can to eliminate Israel and we appreciate the support of all the Bush-haters in America and in England.”

Now listen, once again I am stating this as loudly and clearly as possible: THIS IS NOT A BLOG DESIGNED TO ATTACK THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE IN ANYWAY SHAPE OR FORM WHATSOEVER. I am simply bashing their government and the terrorist group that basically runs it. Why is Israel behaving so aggressively you wonder? Because Israel is insanely and entirely fed up! Plain and simple. They cannot take it anymore. They cannot bow to the eyes of the world and let chicken-shit decisions, like those of Hamas, kill people in Israel everyday anymore. And if the piece-of-shit worthless United Nations cannot get behind that, then too fucking bad. If the whiney cry-baby Liberals of the United States want to continue to allow Hamas to burn and pillage these people and break every promise possible and simply perpuate theories of anti-Semitism and the end of Israel, then bring it on I say. Obviously these people have no clue about the endless amounts of resilliance the Jewish people have endured over centuries, when still no one else cared back in those days too. We as a people expect you to hate us, or at least misunderstand us, which breeds nothing more than ignorace and hate anyway(the very definition of racism). I guess the people of the world hate the Jews of planet Earth because we just want to be left the hell alone. We do not want your attention. We do not want your Christianity. We do not even want your pity. Go ahead world, hold your opinions of a group of people you truly know nothing about. It is alright, we as a people have survived worse than this. And we will survive this struggle too. But at this point Israel is alone. Completely alone! A strip of land with a population of 7,184,000 versus the entire the Middle East with a population of nearly 310,000,000, and not single person in that area would take issue with exterminating the state of Israel and all the people in it. Tell me unhappy people of America, what would you do?

Now the next part of my blog is a forwarded email I received which I believe makes a point that cannot be overlooked, especially to all the anti-Semites of the world. Now in no way is this portion meant to disrespect any Arab member of the world, but hey man facts are facts. Please take a further read below:

The Global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000 –

ONE BILLION TWO HUNDRED MILLION -

or 20% of the world’s population.

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:

1988 – Najib Mahfooz

Peace:

1978 – Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat
1994 – Yaser Arafat:
1990 – Elias James Corey
1999 – Ahmed Zewai

Economics: (zero)

Physics: (zero)

Medicine:

1960 – Peter Brian Medawar
1998 – Ferid Mourad

TOTAL : 7 SEVEN

The Global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000 FOURTEEN MILLION

or about 0.02% of the world’s population.

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:

1910 – Paul Heyse
1927 – Henri Bergson
1958 – Boris Pasternak
1966 – Shmuel Yosef Agnon
1966 – Nelly Sachs
1976 – Saul Bellow
1978 – Isaac Bashevis Singer
1981 – Elias Canetti
1987 – Joseph Brodsky
1991 – Nadine Gordimer World

Peace:

1911 – Alfred Fried
1911 – Tobias Michael Carel Asser
1968 – Rene Cassin
1973 – Henry Kissinger

1978 – Menachem Begin
1986 – Elie Wiesel
1994 – Shimon Peres
1994 – Yitzhak Rabin

Physics:

1905 – Adolph Von Baeyer
1906 – Henri Moissan
1907 – Albert Abraham Michelson
1908 – Gabriel Lippmann
1910 – Otto Wallach
1915 – Richard Willstaetter
1918 – Fritz Haber
1921 – Albert Einstein
1922 – Niels Bohr
1925 – James Franck
1925 – Gustav Hertz
1943 – Gustav Stern
1943 – George Charles de Hevesy
1944 – Isidor Issac Rabi
1952 – Felix Bloch
1954 – Max Born
1958 – Igor Tamm
1959 – Emilio Segre
1960 – Donald A. Glaser
1961 – Robert Hofstadter
1961 – Melvin Calvin
1962 – Lev Davidovich Landau
1962 – Max Ferdinand Perutz1965 – Richard Phillips Feynman
1965 – Julian Schwinger
1969 – Murray Gell-Mann
1971 – Dennis Gabor
1972 – William Howard Stein
1973 – Brian David Josephson
1975 – Benjamin Mottleson
1976 – Burton Richter
1977 – Ilya Prigogine
1978 – Arno Allan Penzias
1978 – Peter L Kapitza
1979 – Stephen Weinberg
1979 – Sheldon Glashow
1979 – Herbert Charle s Brown
1980 – Paul Berg
1980 – Walter Gilbert
1981 – Roald Hoffmann
1982 – Aaron Klug
1985 – Albert A. Hauptman
1985 – Jerome Karle
1986 – Dudley R. Herschbach
1988 – Robert Huber
1988 – Leon Lederman
1988 – Melvin Schwartz
1988 – Jack Steinberger
1989 – Sidney Altman
1990 – Jerome Friedman
1992 – Rudolph Marcus
1995 – Martin Perl
2000 – Alan J. Heeger

Economics:

1970 – Paul Anthony Samuelson
1971 – Simon Kuznets
1972 – Kenneth Joseph Arrow
1975 – Leonid Kantorovich
1976 – Milton Friedman
1978 – Herbert A. Simon
1980 – Lawrence Robert Klein
1985 – Franco Modigliani
1987 – Robert M. Solow
1990 – Harry Markowitz
1990 – Merton Miller
1992 – Gary Becker
1993 – Robert Fogel

Medicine:

1908 – Elie Metchnikoff
1908 – Paul Erlich
1914 – Robert Barany
1922 – Otto Meyerhof
1930 – Karl Landsteiner
1931 – Otto Warburg
1936 – Otto Loewi
1944 – Joseph Erlanger
1944 – Herbert Spencer Gasser
1945 – Ernst Boris Chain
1946 – Hermann Joseph Muller
1950 – Tadeus Reichstein
1952 – Selman Abra ham Waksman
1953 – Hans Krebs
1953 – Fritz Albert Lipmann
1958 – Joshua Lederberg
1959 – Arthur Kornberg
1964 – Konrad Bloch
1965 – Francois Jacob
1965 – Andre Lwoff
1967 – George Wald
1968 – Marshall W. Nirenberg
1969 – Salvador Luria
1970 – Julius Axelrod
1970 – Sir Bernard Katz
1972 – Gerald Maurice Edelman
1975 – Howard Martin Temin
1976 – Baruch S. Blumberg
1977 – Roselyn Sussman Yalow
1978 – Daniel Nathans
1980 – Baruj Benacerraf
1984 – Cesar Milstein
1985 – Michael Stuart Brown
1985 – Joseph L. Goldstein
1986 – Stanley Cohen [& Rita Levi-Montalcini]
1988 – Gertrude Elion
1989 – Harold Varmus
1991 – Erwin Neher
1991 – Bert Sakmann
1993 – Richard J. Roberts
1993 – Phillip Sharp
1994 – Alfred Gilman
1995 – Edward B. Lewis

TOTAL: 129 ONE HUNDRED TWENTY NINE !

Jews are not promoting brain washing the children in military training camps, teaching them how to blow themselves up and cause maximum deaths of Jews and other non Muslims!

Jews don’t hijack planes, nor kill athletes at the Olympics or blow themselves up in German restaurants. There is not a single Jew that has destroyed a church (unless they were defending themselves from terrorists hiding in a church). There is not a single Jew that protests by killing people.

Jews don’t traffic slaves, nor have leaders calling for Jihad and death to all the Infidels.

Perhaps the world’s Muslims should consider investing more in standard education and less in blaming the Jews for all their problems.

Muslims must ask ‘what can they do for humankind’ before they demand that humankind respects them!!

‘ If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel ‘ – BB. (Benjamin Netanyahu)